Thursday, March 10, 2011

A Difficult Choice

This was the most difficult step yet, standing in that cold room looking at the various display cremation coffins, imagining my baby boy's body, all 6 foot 2 inches of him, being placed in one of these.  Knowing that it was only the shell he had left behind was of little comfort in that moment. So many choices, from the purely functional to the ornate.  With lining and pillow, or without?  As I wandered from casket to casket, I kept staring at the most basic one, literally a cardboard box.  My rational mind could understand that it really didn't matter which one I finally chose, but my heart and soul felt otherwise.  As I contemplated all the options, Michael's sense of humour and practicality were trying to make a case about how appropriate that cardboard version would be. He was laughing as he showed me the comic connection to his work environment which was full of cardboard boxes, and then in his no nonsense way adding, "Mom, the fancier ones are just a waste of money."  He listened to my arguments with compassion and that sparkle in his eyes, and then smiling, he indulged me in my final choice.  Thank you Michael for being with me and lightening up that difficult situation, just as you had done for me so many times before.


Unknown said...

Vera, you are one of the strongest women I have met. I am so blessed to call you my friend. Irene

Vera said...

Thank you so much Irene - there will be times down the road when I will fall apart I'm sure, but I know that I can call you and that you'll come walk with me and listen.

Gena said...

I have always been amazed at the grace and dignity with which you manouevre your way through life. Michael's passing is your crucible, and I know your inner strength and spiritual connection will eventually enable you to transform this pain, this heartache, into a profound understanding. And then you will use this profound understanding to help other mothers as they struggle on this same path.