Friday, September 30, 2011
A moment infused with tranquility and contentment. Across the lake, early morning sunlight streams onto the hillside. Mesmerized by the magnificence. Another day full of possibilities and potential. In this beauty, the tears fall. My body expressing the layer of grief that can only be processed on the physical level. Regardless of time spent intellectualizing the situation or focusing on the spiritual aspect, there is energy still needing to be released. This not negating the presence of the glorious day before me. Pure and simple.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Perplexing. At times, disappointing. Various scenarios with similar outcomes. Acquaintances saying they will call. Others announcing they would love to get together. Mentioning plans to meet up. For coffee, a walk, even weekends away. Then nothing. Days, weeks, months go by. Not a word. Initiating the discussion without following through. Forgetful? Too busy? Life challenges? Or simply empty gestures? Puzzling behaviour. Often observed over the years. Still working on not getting too attached to the outcomes of these conversations. An ongoing personal challenge.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Another intriguing evening ahead. Focusing on the development of mediumship skills. A personal goal identified earlier this year. Keen to continue the exploration of this discipline. Improving my abilities. Taking another step forward. Building on all that has come before.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Shakti. Sanskrit word meaning feminine divine force. Creative power. Invoking this energy as needed. Walking in the forest or seated cross legged with palms up. Experiencing it recently in a guided meditation. My mother and both grandmothers showing up. All three positioned directly behind me. Fortifying me with the maternal energy they embodied. Supporting me in this journey. Feeling deeply reassured by their presence. As mothers, they experienced numerous challenges. Choosing this incarnation myself. Fulfilling my deepest desire. To be a mother. Thankful for all it encompasses.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Carpe Diem. Seize the day. And what a day it was. Unseasonably warm weather. Without commitments. Decided to hike The Chief. Arriving in Squamish, we laced up and headed off. Passing moss covered boulders, majestic timbers, fast flowing river and fellow hikers. Atop the north peak, sharing a sandwich. Drinking in the amazing view. Then scrambling back down around boulders and logs, over bridges and stairways. A carefree three hour adventure. Time for coffee and people watching. Stopping to browse through a gallery. Back home, warm bath and simple pasta dinner. Followed by Scrabble and a movie. Not a day without tears but a great day to be alive.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Fall equinox. A new season begins. Fresh crisp apples. Juice droplets spraying out with every bite. The comfort of a favourite sweater. Providing warmth against the cooler air. Leaves soon to be piled high. Perfect for jumping into. Moments of pure pleasure. The most poignant aspect of fall, however, lying in its colours. Those brilliant hues of oranges, yellows and reds. Leaves embarking on the last leg of their journey. Glorious to behold. Impressed by the magnificence of this transformation. Reviving a long held awareness that beauty can be found in dying.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
La Pietà. Opportunities abound for feasting ones eyes upon this powerful image. Statues and paintings of it exhibited the world over in churches, galleries and museums. No religious beliefs required in order to be stirred by this scene. At the core, a mother cradling her deceased adult son. Of late, reflecting on that. Recalling the memory of standing in St. Peter's. Deeply moved by Michelangelo's exquisite marble piece. Feeling the sorrow and heartbreak emanating from that statue. Now focusing on another aspect. One not as obvious to me before. That of profound love. Calling to mind the impossibility of such pain existing without the love that came before. I am not Mary, nor was he Jesus. There was no crucifixion. Relating however to the essence of that experience. That of a mother outliving her child. Embracing the depth of that love. Something shared by millions over the ages.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
ISA drop-ins begin again. Back in full swing after the summer hiatus. Looking forward to Open Circle this evening. Engaging in guided meditation. Practicing intuitive skills. Exploring various spiritual endeavours. Bathed in healing and heartwarming energy. Nurturing my soul.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Invited to their townhouse to share an evening meal. A visit with extended family. Enjoying tasty appetizers in the living room. Then taking our seats around their dining room table. Beneath the glistening chandelier. Chatting, eating, and laughing together. Halfway through, mentioning Michael's name. Prompted by the topic of conversation. The light bulbs above instantly beginning a flickering dance. This chandelier once again showing us that his energy was there. My daughter and I making eye contact. The five of us in awe. Big smiles all around. Gratefully witnessing it first hand. The oscillating bulbs indicating his obvious presence for close to half an hour. Then settling back down into a steady glow. Lingering over desert. Once again reassured of his continued existence. So thankful for his illuminating visit!
Monday, September 19, 2011
An entire day devoted to group meditation. Enriching and elevating. A generous gift on so many levels. Fifty-five women. Two men. Curious about the imbalance. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Mahatma Gandhi, Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Salvador Dalí. Just a few of the accomplished men who engaged in this healthful practice. All luminaries. Enlightened beings. Myself, looking forward to a future where all feel comfortable exploring meditation. Male and female in equal measure. Collectively reaping the rewards.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Family dinners. Making the effort. Investing the time. Not just limited to special occasions. A Thursday evening, just because. Interaction and communication revolving around a meal. My daughters and son-in-laws believing in the importance of this too. All taking turns hosting this cherished event . Sharing supper and ourselves with each other. Experiencing that deep connection, love and support. Bonding. Contributing to the strength of the family. Simple fare or a gourmet meal, this always nourishes my soul.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Flipping through photo albums on this half year anniversary. Encountering numerous pictures of her sweet face. 'Princess', the word that comes to mind. Not the high maintenance kind. Far from it. Kelly was stunningly beautiful, inside and out. A unique combination of girly girl and tomboy. Such a sweet nature. Sparkling blue eyes. Radiant smile. Long glossy brown hair. Always gorgeous, no matter what she wore. And most importantly, a heart filled with love for so many. This her eternal gift to us all.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
That lanky rosebush out front hard at work once more. Had been flowerless for quite some time. Began blooming again this week. Four huge pink blossoms in all their glory. Pausing to breathe in their rich fragrance while passing by. Feeling uplifted and grateful within mere seconds. What power those delicate petals possess. Positioned in the centre of this townhouse complex. Accessible to anyone wishing to stop and share in their splendour. Wondering how many do.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Looking forward to this day with keen anticipation. An appointment with the tattoo artist to honour Michael and Kelly. A pink heart. An obvious choice. Positioned so that it is embraced by the wings of my phoenix. Their initials inscribed in script within. So many references to hearts and love when thinking of them. That palpable uplifting energy present the last time we spoke. The heart-shaped balloon shown to me days after the accident. With Michael and Diesel inside. Again showing up on the day of my son's service. The three of them together in this same balloon. The ice drawing on the lake, I ♡ KP. Their love for family, friends and each other. The love so many felt for them. All this lives on. This heart tattoo a creative expression encompassing of all that.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Saturday afternoon. Feeling such contentment after a long walk on the back roads. Preparing a lunch to enjoy on the beach. Glancing out the window. Seeing my husband hunched over the workbench below. The scene before me causing my heart to leap up into my throat. Saw in hand. Two long, thin pieces of wood beside him. Building a cross. To commemorate the accident site. The vulnerability of this moment hitting me hard. Knowing a father never imagines this would ever be asked of him. A spur of the moment decision for him to start this project now. The concept of a memorial for that spot discussed but not finalized. Together agreeing to explore options for a suitable plaque before continuing on. A short time later, both able to savour our meal and the remainder of the day. A wild and crazy roller-coaster ride indeed.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Enjoying a mug of coffee up at the lake. Sitting in lotus pose on the wicker chair outdoors. A chill in this early morning air. Afghan draped over my legs. One my mother knit many years ago. Something she loved to do. Finding a welcoming home here after she died. Beiges and browns. Subtle zigzag pattern. Practical. Nothing flashy or showy at all. Resting on the back of the sofa till needed. Always ready to be pulled into service. Offering warmth and comfort to all. My mother's energy expressed in this treasured blanket. Wrapped up in it, feeling that connection each and every time.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Wandering along the mountain trail. My companion, a young autistic man. Slow and steady pace. Perfect for paying heed to our lush surroundings. Absorbing the breathtaking view. Sampling the blackberries. The expression on his face indicating they were still a little on the sour side. Requiring a few more of these sunny days in order to fully ripen. Observing two paragliders descending overhead. A blue heron settling on a cedar bough nearby. My hands coming together in prayer before me as we continue on our way. Thankful for the gift of such a magnificent morning.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Grieving the loss of a loved one is difficult. Two simultaneously, doubly hard. Six months today. Both of them in or around my thoughts most of the day. Some of the night. Grief still residing deeply in so much of my being. Eased at times by the knowing they are together. That was Michael and Kelly's destiny. Finding a measure of comfort in this. Also buoyed by their smiling faces when asking them for help with all of this. Diesel on occasion showing up with his grin. Envisioning them watching over all those who loved them, with pride. Observing us carrying on to best of our ability. One hundred percent behind us. And always in our hearts.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Today, the first day of school for many. New beginnings. Back to work for others. The return to routines. This week offering a shift in focus. Fresh ideas to consider. Renewed commitment to existing endeavours. All enhanced by an atmosphere charged with invigorating energy.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Out for a run in the sun. Pondering the expression, "One day at a time". Using it often. Realizing that perhaps, "One moment at a time" might be more accurate. Reflecting on the previous evening. Still early. Playing Scrabble on the patio. Warm air, lush greenery, wispy pink clouds against a pale blue sky. Thoroughly enjoying it all. Then suddenly, in all that magnificence, feeling a pang of anguish in my chest. As if a knife were piercing my heart. Three of Swords card in the Tarot deck. Why? For a fleeting moment, expecting Mike and Kelly to walk in the back door, come out back, pull up some chairs and share highlights of their day. Then, just as quickly as that image had appeared, the realization followed. It would not be so. All of this washed over and through me within seconds. A few tears shed. Shortly thereafter, smiling at the beauty of the half moon and the antics of the birds in the fountain. This is how it flows. Moment to moment.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Another long weekend begins. Always appreciated. Bringing the gift of an extra day for playing in the sun. Whispering a quiet goodbye to the summer that barely was. Subtle hints of the approaching season now waiting in the wings.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Puppy energy. A chocolate lab's curiosity, intelligence, and enthusiasm for life. Up for whatever is going on. This is what Barrett shares with me this week. Staying here while his pack takes a much needed holiday to rejuvenate and restore. My routines happily adjusted to accommodate this lovable fur covered being.