Signs of Support

     Tomorrow marks the 8th anniversary of Michael's death. Rather than taking flowers to Boal Memorial on the actual date, as I have in the past, this year I decided ahead of time that I would go this morning - a mental health choice that I felt would make tomorrow a little easier and more uplifting.
     A few weeks ago, a friend of mine invited me to participate in a community fundraiser - an afternoon Scrabble Tournament taking place on March 7th to raise money for grandmothers in Africa. My husband and I play Scrabble most evenings so I knew it could be an enjoyable event and said "yes", grateful for the distraction, the opportunity to support a good cause, and knowing I would have the support of this friend on a trigger day, another mother who lives with the loss of a child. Later this month will mark seven years since her adult daughter's accidental death.
     This morning, my plan was to walk my younger daughter's chocolate lab Barrett (related to Diesel and born four days before the fatal accident involving Mike, Kelly and Diesel), along the river for about an hour, then take him with me to Boal, which would be his first time there.  After getting into my car (which was parked in the carport), I reached over to close my door when I noticed one small feather lying on the ground nearby. Smiling to myself, I reached down and picked it up, then placed it on the seat beside me - thankful for this little sign.
     After fetching Barrett, I drove to Bridgeman Park, located beside Lynn Creek. Due to the ongoing construction in the area, I had not been there since last spring but today, it felt like the right place to go. I parked the car, leashed up the dog and let him out. He instantly beelined it to a fence post about 30 metres away, to take a pee. As I stood there waiting for him, I looked up at the post and could hardly believe my eyes -  a small, pink heart resting near the top! Obviously, the perfect spot for our walk together today.
     After our river walk, we visited Boal, then after dropping him off, I headed home. Later, I picked up my granddaughter after school and brought her back to my house. She immediately noticed the feather I had now placed on my kitchen counter and told me she had found one that looked exactly the same. Reaching into her backpack, she pulled out a twin feather. When I asked her about it, she told me she had found it while walking along Mosquito Creek during her class field trip this morning, put it into her pocket until she got back to school, then into her knapsack for safekeeping! The signs and loving energy of the day filled my well, placing me in good stead for tomorrow.
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Living in a Disney Movie

Looking out into the backyard, I feel as if I am watching a real-life version of a Disney movie.  The abundant and varied wildlife makes for heartwarming entertainment.  The antics of a grey squirrel chasing a black one up a tree, then along the top of the fence, are comical.  I can almost hear them laughing as they play.  Then there is the flurry of activity over the patio, as birds of all feathers take turns at the feeders. A kaleidoscope of blue, orange, grey, red, brown, white, and black. Dozens of birds participate in an enchanting ballet while flying a triangular route, from branch to suet to seed.  The sweet hummingbirds keep to their special feeder on the outskirts of the fray.  It would not be surprising to see music notes appear along with coloured banners strung from beak to beak.  As dusk falls, a pair of raccoons ambling across the lawn towards the house completes the scene.  Placing front paws upon the glass wall, they remain thus for quite some time, making eye contact with the two humans playing Scrabble indoors.  The blazing fire and candlelight in stark contrast to the cold outdoors.  Half expecting the raccoons to slide open the door and join in the game, this movie is one I will never tire of watching over and over again.

Carpe Diem

Carpe Diem.  Seize the day.  And what a day it was.  Unseasonably warm weather.  Without commitments.  Decided to hike The Chief.   Arriving in Squamish, we laced up and headed off.  Passing moss covered boulders, majestic timbers, fast flowing river and fellow hikers. Atop the north peak, sharing a sandwich.  Drinking in the amazing view.  Then scrambling back down around boulders and logs, over bridges and stairways.  A carefree three hour adventure.  Time for coffee and people watching.  Stopping to browse through a gallery.  Back home, warm bath and simple pasta dinner.  Followed by Scrabble and a movie.  Not a day without tears but a great day to be alive.

Moment to Moment

Out for a run in the sun.  Pondering the expression, "One day at a time".  Using it often.  Realizing that perhaps, "One moment at a time" might be more accurate.   Reflecting on the previous evening.  Still early.  Playing Scrabble on the patio.  Warm air, lush greenery, wispy pink clouds against a pale blue sky.  Thoroughly enjoying it all.  Then suddenly, in all that magnificence, feeling a pang of anguish in my chest.  As if a knife were piercing my heart.  Three of Swords card in the Tarot deck.  Why?  For a fleeting moment, expecting  Mike and Kelly to walk in the back door, come out back, pull up some chairs and share highlights of their day.  Then, just as quickly as that image had appeared, the realization followed.   It would not be so.  All of this washed over and through me within seconds.  A few tears shed.  Shortly thereafter, smiling at the beauty of the half moon and the antics of the birds in the fountain.  This is how it flows.  Moment to moment.