Friday, September 28, 2012
Sitting cross-legged on the outdoor sofa, composing a passage for my book. Inching closer towards publication; the twin energies of passion and heartbreak my constant companions. While running in the canyon earlier in the day, reiterating to Michael my desire that he stay close. To bolster my spirit, and continue assisting me with this work. Now, fleshing out a piece regarding the shared floral arrangement on display at both his and Kelly's services. Taking me back to those two very difficult days. Ten minutes into this process, noticing a hummingbird approaching the nearby feeder. Then, watching in amazement as it continued flying straight past the feeder, making its way under the glass roof, towards the French doors. Following a direct path, there and back, in a stop-and-start fashion. Parallel to the couch, within arm's reach, the entire time. Before leaving the enclosed space, turning towards me, and hovering close to my face. Pausing there for quite some time, indulging me in a tête-à-tête. Then, returning to the trees. Leaving me filled with awe and gratitude. Over the course of the afternoon, repeatedly returning to check on me. Each time, stopping in close proximity for several moments, before flying away. Another unique experience reassuring me of the universe's support. This exquisite one-to-one encounter a magical response to my original request.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Sharing a meal with family. Sipping coffee with a friend. Walking the dog. Spending time at the playground with a child. Out on a date with a lover. Various scenarios offering invaluable possibilities for meaningful connection and engagement. In the course of a day, observing individuals in each of these situations opting to dilute the experiences. Choosing to direct energy and attention to lengthy cell phone communication with others instead. Distracting them from the gift of the here and now. Leaving me to wonder if they would consider taking up the challenge of being fully present. Putting down the phone during those precious moments. Embracing the opportunity to pick up their life instead.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Thankful for this week's occurrence of receiving nocturnal wisdom. Gaining understanding by way of clear, concise information. Not dreaming. No interpretation required. Rather, having a sense of tapping into the universe's vault of knowledge. Regarding my relationship with a loved one. Where frustration had been building. Feeling confused on how to deal with it. Deciding to take time for meditation. Specifically, asking for clarity on achieving resolution. While sleeping later that night, fully experiencing the information, not just seeing it. Finding myself placed in a frustrating situation. Actually walking the path to unhappiness and dismay. Then, being repositioned to the beginning of exactly the same scene. However, this time taking steps along an alternate route. Resulting in contentment and acceptance. Immediately aware that the variable responsible for determining the outcome was the intention I was holding within. In the first scenario, acting on the assumption that the outcome would be unsatisfactory and disappointing. In the second, feeling optimistic that it was unfolding in a hopeful and loving way. A powerful and timely reminder that how I experience something is simply up to me.
Friday, September 7, 2012
Eighteen months in and still, most moments in my day are filtered through the lens of losing my son. Thankfully, a little less frequently, and for the most part, with reduced intensity. Two recent experiences in particular come to mind. Both nonevents to an outsider, yet milestones for me. Firstly, the entire twenty-four hours of August 7th passed without registering the significance of that date at all. The first time, since March 7th, when I did not reflect upon a one month marker. Largely due to being out of the country and in a completely different time zone. While observing this the following morning, I was enheartened. Pleasantly surprised. Secondly, later that month, after an evening of exploring Zurich with a Swiss friend, I returned to my hotel room. It was only then when I realized that not once had I thought of the loss during that entire six hour excursion. The longest stretch by far during this year and a half. In both cases, it was recognizing the absence of something that left me feeling encouraged. Seeing what was not there. Experiencing opposite sides of the same coin. This coin most definitely a penny.