Many Blessings

Our little home performed admirably for our annual Christmas Eve celebration, a gathering of my brother's family and mine.  Thirteen of us seated around the dining room table, enjoying our traditional German meal by candlelight.  The dynamics of this group continually changing. This year, three little ones all under three graced us with their sweet energy.  Two other little souls patiently waiting in the wings.  Spirits of loved ones now passed infusing our evening, as well.  This Christmas Day I am counting my blessings, of which there are many.

Gathering at the Tree

This coming Sunday.  Our daughters, son-in-laws, my husband and I meeting up.  Decorating a mini Christmas tree together.  Starting this annual tradition at Oma's graveside ten Christmases ago.  Symbolically sharing the holidays with someone we loved.  Lighting candles clipped to the branches.  Singing German carols.  Recounting memories. Moving the occasion to Boal Memorial this year.  Using the same tree Michael helped decorate last December.  Adding some new ornaments for our brother and son.  Kelly and Diesel too.  Knowing my mother will happily meet us there.  All gathering together. 

Providing Comfort

In conversation with one of Kelly's dear friends.  Discussing the reluctance of co-workers to mention Kelly's name.   Not speaking of their colleague who has passed.  Perhaps afraid of upsetting this friend. Fearing they may cause additional heartache.  If only they could be reassured that the tears and sadness come regardless.  That is our reality when we have lost someone we loved. The irony is that they would actually provide comfort by sharing a memory or remarking how much they miss her smile and cheerful disposition.  Hearing others speak of our loved one actually helps ease the pain.  Knowing they mattered to others.  That they are missed.  That they will not be forgotten.

Six Months Today

Grieving the loss of a loved one is difficult.  Two simultaneously, doubly hard.  Six months today.  Both of them in or around my thoughts most of the day.  Some of the night.  Grief still residing deeply in so much of my being.  Eased at times by the knowing they are together.  That was Michael and Kelly's destiny.  Finding a measure of comfort in this.  Also buoyed by their smiling faces when asking them for help with all of this.  Diesel on occasion showing up with his grin.   Envisioning them watching over all those who loved them, with pride.  Observing us carrying on to best of our ability.  One hundred percent behind us.  And always in our hearts.

My Precious Son

I had been preparing myself for this possible outcome for a very long time and now that the worst has happened, it isn't a surprise at all.  I had the feeling for many years that my precious son Michael was not going to be on this earth for very long, and yesterday it came to pass.  Twenty five years young. I loved him with all my heart and he went knowing that his entire family loved and supported him completely.  Who could have known it would happen like this?  Literally, an accident, no one's fault.  It was his time and Diesel's time as well.  I am grateful that they have each other to continue on their journey together.  I will not say goodbye as we will continue to send love to each other always.