Love Letter Revealed

Is my memory failing me, or is it true, that what I stumbled upon today is something I never seen before?  It certainly feels like the latter. 

With a summer storm brewing over the lake and the cabin to myself for a few hours, I settled in for a comfortable afternoon of reading on the deck, in the company of two hummingbirds flitting about, mere inches from where I lay. After pausing to chat with them, I thought about how fulfilling it would be to write a blogpost, but I was lacking inspiration. About an hour later, I wandered inside and stopped in front the shelf which holds photos of Mike, Kelly, and the frozen lake message of "I ❤️ Kelly" (which had been created here during their last weekend together in early March 2011). As I stood there, breathing in the essence of these photos that have been prominently displayed in this spot for 12 years, I impulsively picked up the plastic frame of the lake photo and for some reason turned it around, where I noticed a small folded-up piece of paper tucked inside, with a ❤️ on the front. After sliding it out of the frame, I unfolded the paper and was shocked to see what I was holding. It was a drawing showing the outlines of their two hands overlapping, surrounded by hearts, and in the top right corner, the date 03/06/11. March 6th -  their last full day together on this earth.

The question remains - who had the honour of finding this love letter, and who had the beautiful idea of laying it to rest where I found it? Was this something I had put there for safekeeping many years ago but completely forgot about, or had someone else placed it there? In the end, it really doesn't matter, because today, regardless of how it got there, this love letter flooded me with a powerful dose of love energy, straight from their hearts to mine.                                                        

Perfect Pole Project

 

     For over a year now, I have been admiring the vibrant art poles livening up the garden of a neighbourhood residence, nestled alongside the forest.  I tried sourcing them online and looking for them at garden centres, to no avail. Then a few weeks ago, I mentioned the art poles to an acquaintance who lives in the area and happens to be an art teacher.  She suggested I could try making some myself using PVC piping and outdoor acrylic paints. Sounded easy enough, a fun project my granddaughter and I could play with at the cabin.  I already had the paints so all I needed now was some piping. 

     On the Saturday before our trip up, I thought about driving down to the hardware store to buy some but decided I needed a little more time to consider diameter and length I might need. My husband and I could go the following day, when we would be out and about anyway.  

     Sunday morning, over breakfast on the back patio, I mentioned the art pole project to my husband and told him about my idea of grabbing some piping later that day.  His comment, delivered very matter-of-factly: " There's a piece of it lying on the front boulevard." What? Really?  Turned out he had noticed it the day before, while mowing the lawn but left it there. Still in my housecoat, I walked around to where our driveway meets the road and sure enough, there on the northeast corner of the property lay a 3 metre length of PVP piping!  It had somehow cleared the concrete barrier separating the sidewalk from the street and landed on our grass.  Hardly believing what I was seeing, I walked over, picked it up and returned to our patio. With a sense of wonderment, I spelled it out for my husband. In all my 62 years, this was the first time I had ever thought about buying a piece of PVC piping.  And in all my 62 years, this was the first time I had ever come across a piece of PVC piping lying in my yard. For these two events to meet up here and now, was sheer perfection. And yes, we had tons of fun painting the art poles which now adorn both our cabin property, and my granddaughter's backyard.

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Family Time at the Cabin

     During our recent cabin vacation, there was a late evening conversation with family members about Michael's spirit coming through at an ISA gathering a few weeks ago. For over an hour we talked about how highly detailed a medium's descriptions and messages from spirit can be, and we discussed the meaningful information received. Then, with bedtime approaching, it was time to let out the dog so one of Mike's relatives opened the front door and turned on the porch light, only to discover it promptly flashing on and off in uneven bursts of light for quite some time, before going completely dark and remaining so. We were all within view and our first thought while watching the spectacle was that maybe it was a burned out bulb, but simultaneously processing that they don't die out in that fashion. We soon understood what was going on, as this playing with light had occurred many times since Michael's death, to various family members in numerous locations, during times of conscious spiritual connection to him. However, this was a first for us at our cabin. The next morning, I flicked on the light switch to check out the bulb, and of course, it was totally fine and continued to shine, without incident, for the remaining week of our vacation. Another illuminating example of spirit interacting on a physical level. Mike reminding his family that he was right there with us. Too much fun!
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Stopped In my Tracks

     
     Out for a jog on the back roads behind the cabin this morning. Running under mostly sunny skies and temperature in the low 20s, made it that much more special - a beautiful time for daydreaming.  About fifteen minutes in, the mark of a perfect heart upon the asphalt stopped me in my tracks. Upon closer inspection, I noticed that more specifically, it resembled a heart-shaped balloon, complete with string. Reminding me of the one I saw in my mind’s eye a few days after Michael died. Random hearts showing up always make me smile but this was the first time one showed up in this form. Oil stain, roadkill imprint or something more agreeable? Who knows how it was created? What I do know is that regardless of how it got there, the result was immense gratitude for seeing it.
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Still Trying to Finesse the Balancing Act

     Four and a half years ago today. While placing flowers at Boal Memorial this afternoon, the photo that resides there resonated even more deeply than usual. This picture of Michael and Kelly was taken five years ago, in early September 2010, at a lakeside cabin on the Sunshine Coast, during the rehearsal dinner for our oldest daughter's wedding. I love the energy these two exude in this scene, that of fully embracing life. During the past three days, however, this image unexpectedly evoked the opposite reaction within me, acting as a constant reminder of our loss, continually tugging at my heart, threatening to weigh me down. 
     My husband and I had been invited to spend the weekend at this cabin with the same daughter, her husband and two children - yes, we are that lucky. Eating dinner together on the deck, gazing up at the stars with my granddaughter snuggled in my lap, cuddling with my grandson by the fire - I am grateful for each of these beautiful moments, and many, many more. Yet, as always, the highs of being with my family coexist intimately with the lows of missing my son. Four and a half years in ... trying to finesse this balancing act has not become any easier. 
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Child's Play

     While up at the cabin this weekend, the urge struck to paint a birdhouse. It had been years since I last decorated one, but I had the desire to play with colour, so I sorted through the box of various shaped houses, finally settling on a fairly traditional one. While my husband barbecued dinner, I considered some possible design ideas. I knew that I wanted to keep the project simple, and eventually I came up with two options - it would be either a heart or a rainbow theme. I would mull it over and begin painting after dinner.

     We prepared our burgers in the kitchen, then carried them down to the beach on plastic plates. As I took my first bite, I looked down at the plate and realized that it was the one Michael had created at preschool, when he was five. Glancing over the happy scene he had drawn, my eye landed on the colourful rainbow at the top. I was about to tell my husband about the connection to my project when I looked over at the plate he was using and noticed five pink hearts. One of our daughters had designed this plate while attending that same preschool. I began with, "You're not going to believe this ...," but of course, he did. While explaining what had happened, I was shaking my head from side to side, grinning from ear to ear. It really does happen this often, this perfectly. Child's play as far as the universe is concerned. In the end, I went with the heart theme and the Love Shack is now ready for occupancy. 
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Under, Over, and Intertwined

     Over the course of the four hour drive up to the cabin this past weekend, my husband and I encountered almost every type of weather imaginable - heavy rains, followed by hail, then snow, wind, drizzle, and finally, sunshine. Most impressive was driving directly under three vibrant rainbows, in short succession, with the ends of the arcs seeming to touch down just off either side of the highway. And as we wound our way through scenic Manning Park, a trip we have made well over a hundred times, I had an aha moment: the ski and snowboard terrain within this provincial park is located in an area called Gibson Pass. My son's last name intertwined with that of his closest friend, in this beautiful setting. A wonderful symbol of the Gibson and Manning connection - how had I not made this observation before? Come to think of it, I cross a span called Rainbow Bridge when walking along my favourite trail in that park. Under, over, and intertwined ... weaving rich moments into my life.
Image credit: unknown
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Summer's Final Stretch

As summer starts to slide into the final stretch, the entertaining nature show, here at the cabin, continues to impress.  Down on the beach, two spotted fawns tentatively explore their surroundings, all on their own. A feisty chipmunk squats on the neighbour's deck railing, swatting at the Canadian flag mounted there.  Another hangs upside-down, while sharpening its teeth on the antlers adorning our shed.  The early evening lineup has included a couple of large, painted turtles feasting on a fish carcass beside the dock, as well as a solitary muskrat swimming along the shore.  However, signs of an approaching fall are evident.  In contrast to the abundance of hummingbirds earlier this season, only one has been spotted this week.  Out on the dock, it flew in low and hovered under the willow for quite some time, in close proximity to where we were sitting, before moving on, as if to say goodbye before heading south to warmer climes.  On the back roads, the endearing marmots are noticeably absent, likely already in their burrows, preparing for hibernation.  As summer slowly, but surely, begins to transition into fall, the antics of the remaining animals are even more appreciated.

In Sync with the Weather

Up at the cabin, my moods seem to be in sync with the weather today. Contentment while painting the exterior siding under cloudy skies. Uplifted by the sight of a tiny, white feather resting on the ground beside me, just as the sun broke through for a brief visit. Gratitude for getting in a long lake swim before the winds picked up. Then, in concert with the summer storm rolling in, shedding a few tears when one of the songs from Mike's service spontaneously broke the silence, as the temperamental stereo decided to spring to life. Now, while listening to the remainder of that soundtrack and observing the ongoing interplay between clouds, sun and rain, I breathe in all the expressions of life that surround me.

MGMG 2014

Plans are well underway for next month's 4th Annual Mike Gibson Memorial Golf (MGMG) tournament and it's shaping up to be another great weekend of festivities up at the cabin. Attracting new attendees, including a few rookie beginners ready to try their hand at golf. Receiving offers of donations for the fundraising aspect. Support for this event is strong as ever from friends, family, and acquaintances. Young and old committed to having fun, raising money for Canuck Place Children's Hospice, and most importantly, staying connected by spending this time with each other. We are so fortunate. 

11/10

Yesterday certainly started this week-long cabin vacation off with a bang.  The day consisted of one magical moment after another, much of it due to the generosity of others.  There was a long meditative swim followed by lunch on the dock in the shade of the willow.  Later, after a scenic drive along Okanagan Lake, my husband and I stopped in at a restaurant patio with a view where we enjoyed a bite, courtesy of a gift certificate from a friend.  Next, up to a hilltop winery for the much anticipated Pink Martini concert.  While waiting for it to begin, we gratefully accepted an impromptu invitation to the exclusive pre-show wine and appy event, extended to us by a senior staff member who happened to be an acquaintance from long ago.  Shortly before dusk, in this breathtaking setting, we took our seats in the comfortable custom chairs set out on the grassy slope of the amphitheatre where we were entertained by eleven extremely talented musicians.  Magnificent!  Upon our return to the cabin, the two of us capped off the day with a brief swim under the stars.  To the numerous elements (people, weather, geography, talent, food and drink) that came together in order to create this outstanding 11/10 day, I say thank you, thank you, thank you.  It was a day I will not soon forget.

Reflections

Last night, I sat out on the deck breathing in the beauty of the sun setting behind the hill.  While the scattered clouds reflected orange hues onto the lake, I reflected on yet another magnificent MGMG event. From rookie beginners to seasoned golfers they had arrived, understanding that the level of proficiency out on the course was irrelevant to the degree of enjoyment they would experience over the course of the weekend.  Ranging from their early twenties to mid sixties, scores of friends and family members participated, with two toddlers taking it all in as well.  And then there were those who were with us in spirit, unable to attend this time around and much missed.  A few new faces were drawn into the fold as well, friends of friends - people who had never met Mike or Kelly but had accepted the invitation to join this special community.  The weekend was a resounding success with great conversation, plenty of laughter, heartfelt hugs, and fundraising for Canuck Place.

When I awoke at 7am this morning, my husband was already gone - he had left the cabin around 5am to make the four hour drive to work.  My plans were to finish cleaning, then leave for home later this afternoon. When I received a call from him around 8:30am, I assumed he was almost there.  Instead, he was calling to tell me that he was still in Princeton.  He had hit a deer an hour into his trip.  The bad news was that the car was likely going to be a write-off.  The good news was that he was perfectly fine - thank heaven.  However, when he filled me in on the details of the accident, my thinking went from "these things happen" to "what the hell?"  On the way home from this special weekend, my husband had hit that deer within a stone's throw of the memorial cross - mere metres from Mike and Kelly's accident site.  The car had then been towed to the auto wrecker up the hill, the same place Mike's car had lingered for months after that accident just over two years ago.  What??  When I finally picked my husband up a few hours later, we stopped at the wrecker's lot to retrieve some belongings - an extremely surreal experience.  Now, sitting here in my living room as dusk falls, I am still shaking my head in disbelief and reflecting on the mysteries of life.     

Exquisite Experience

One of my daughters recently sent me a photo of a hummingbird perched on her shoe.  Yes, her shoe.  When we spoke the following day, she filled me in.  Since then, I have thought about her incredible story daily.  She and her husband were up at their cabin when suddenly, a hummingbird flew in through the open sliding door, way up into the vaulted ceiling.  Flying around up there, it came into contact with dust and cobwebs, before eventually returning to ground level, coming to rest upon one of my daughter's unoccupied shoes.  Moments later, her husband carried that shoe with the bird out to the deck.  Surprisingly, the hummingbird went along for the ride.  That was the image captured in the picture.  However, the truly amazing part of the story was yet to come.  While the bird remained on the shoe, my daughter reached over and with her fingers carefully began removing one tiny particle of debris at a time.  The hummingbird stayed put.  After the cleaning, it lingered for another few minutes, then off it flew.  When my daughter described this scene to me, I was astonished.  I have had many close encounters with hummingbirds, those messengers of healing, love, hope and joy, but I have never even heard of anything like this.  Feeling its heartbeat and being in such close proximity to those brilliant iridescent feathers - I can only imagine.  I continue to marvel at what is possible. 

Smiling Faces

We could not have asked for more perfect weather for the year's first visit to the cabin -  just shy of midway through spring, we enjoyed a taste of summer.  My husband and I appreciated the three glorious days of bathing suit weather and meals on the beach.  A lovely mix of outdoor work and play - attending opening day at the farmer's market, cycling along the channel, rowing around the lake, and yoga on the dock, interspersed with tending to maintenance chores and general cleanup of the property.  Within this perfection, grief continued to be my constant companion throughout each day - it does not take a vacation. The daily challenge of ensuring that sadness does not gain a strong foothold is always present but being up at the cabin continues to be more difficult than being at home - I hope this will not always be the case because it is so beautiful there.  Out for a run on the back roads this morning, through acres of wild flowers, amid a symphony of bird songs, I was having trouble shaking off the sadness which was threatening to prevail.  Then, halfway along the route, Michael and Kelly's larger than life smiling faces appeared, side by side.  Their sparkling eyes met mine, sending me encouragement and cheering me on.  I could feel the love and support emanating from them.  My sadness lifted and joy filtered in as I happily returned their smiles.     

Friend to Friend

Other than going out for an invigorating run through the canyon this morning, I spent most of the day working on my book, a rewarding, yet emotionally challenging project.  Again today, I thought about how grateful I am that my best friend is dedicating hours upon hours of her free time to edit this book.  Even though there is still much to do before it gets published, thanks to her, I can see light at the end of the tunnel.  Then late this afternoon, I received a surprise message from a young woman I have never met.  This friend of Kelly's, now living in the Okanagan, had communicated with me only once before, via Facebook last year.  She was now contacting me to share her delight in recently finding out that one of her new co-workers happened to be a good friend of Mike's.  These two discovered their astonishing connection after the young man explained where he lived - across the street from our family's cabin.  My heart soared as I read about this crazy, wonderful association, and I can well imagine the comfort and stories they will share.  Support can come from those we have known for years, as well as from those we hardly know, and all of it is greatly appreciated.   

Divine Illumination

Waking with lingering impressions of a particularly clear and poignant dream.  In it, travelling with the trailer, just as we currently are.  However, in this scenario, stopping en route for a short layover at our cabin.  Running into one of Michael's friends who actually lives in that area.  Asking me if he and a buddy could spend the night with us, in our cottage.  Explaining that it is a little too hectic at his family's home right now.  Replying, "Of course, anytime."  Sensing this young man's compassionate nature, while receiving his  big bear hug from behind.  He wanting to know how I was doing.  Assuring him that I was well, and thanking him for inquiring.  A short time later, all of us relaxing around the fire outdoors.  Soon after,  his sister unexpectedly stopping by with a gift.  Extending her hand, and offering me a ring.  Mentioning that when first spotting it, she had instantly known it was meant for me.  A perfect, round stone, mounted upon a smooth gold band.  Somewhat pearl-like in appearance.  Its lower half, slate grey in colour.  The upper portion, glowing brilliant white.  Immediately understanding the powerful symbolism.  Even with, or possibly due to, underlying darkness, there exists in life an equal measure of beauty and light.  This dream casting divine illumination on the day ahead. 

Impressive Shot

Another amazing unexplainable occurrence.  Out on the golf course for the MGMG tournament last weekend.  Playing a Texas Scramble format.  In a foursome including one of Mike's friends, a cabin neighbour.  The two of them spending much time together over the years.  Including occasionally golfing together on this same course. This young man, a passable golfer, now teeing off at #7, our final hole. Taking his drive with a Nike brand ball.  Pulling the shot, causing the ball to veer off to the left.  Assuming to find it less than a third of the way down this 435 yard fairway, somewhere in the rough.  All four of us searching for quite some time, without any luck.  Finally leaving it, and finishing out that hole.  Then both carts making their way back to the clubhouse to meet up with all the others who had already completed the course.  His sister and I leading the way along the #8 fairway.  Spotting a ball up ahead.  Lying out in plain view.  Driving closer to investigate. Realizing it was a Nike ball!  Doing the math.  Coming up short.  What we were looking at seemed impossible.  Well over 5o0 yards to this spot. At least 150 yards further than a pro would make.  The second cart soon joining us.  The young man confirming it was his ball.  All of us looking at each other, completely dumbfounded.  A sign from Mike to his friend?  One currently going through some personal challenges. The four of us returning to the parking lot.  Sharing our story with fellow golfers.  Trying to comprehend the experience.  Laughing at the playfulness and impressive nature of that event.

Taking Flight

Spending the day at the cabin alone.  Finishing up some chores.  Then relaxing in the sun.  Basking in the loving energy of the weekend. Feeling its imprint upon this space.  At its peak, seventy-one of us gathering to share old memories.  Creating many new ones as well. The last of the group leaving this morning.  Those baby birds who had been chirping in the birdhouse all weekend deciding it was time as well. Taking their first flight this afternoon.  Embarking on the next experience before them.  Leaving the comfort and safety of the nest behind.

We ♥ U

Driving up to the cabin again.  Only our second time this year.  That familiar underlying apprehension gaining momentum while nearing Princeton.  Then rounding that bend.  Approaching the cross.  Spotting huge bursts of colour around the base.  Curiosity quickly replacing the anxiety.  Drawing closer to see a multitude of brilliant silk flowers. What a magnificent surprise.  Stopping the car to take it all in.  Various shades of yellow, blue, pink, orange, red, and purple.  Artfully arranged blossoms around a purple and yellow hand painted sign.  We ♥ U Kelly + Mike.  Their friend creating a lasting expression of her feelings.  Not Rest in Peace or You are Missed.  Choosing to focus on love instead.  Uplifting energy to counter some of the sadness.  The ripple effect of this heartfelt gesture impacting others.  The two of us turning to smile at each other.  And carrying on with lighter hearts.

Under the Same Sun

A year ago today, I last heard your voice.  Calling home from the cabin. Describing the long leisurely walk you had just completed.  Along with Kelly and Diesel.  Under sunny skies, around the frozen snow-covered lake.  Hearing the pure happiness in your voice.  Prompting my heart to smile. Knowing the three of you were enjoying an amazing weekend together.  Holding onto this beautiful image.  Under the same sun, my son, that is thankfully shining down on me today.