Exquisite Experience

One of my daughters recently sent me a photo of a hummingbird perched on her shoe.  Yes, her shoe.  When we spoke the following day, she filled me in.  Since then, I have thought about her incredible story daily.  She and her husband were up at their cabin when suddenly, a hummingbird flew in through the open sliding door, way up into the vaulted ceiling.  Flying around up there, it came into contact with dust and cobwebs, before eventually returning to ground level, coming to rest upon one of my daughter's unoccupied shoes.  Moments later, her husband carried that shoe with the bird out to the deck.  Surprisingly, the hummingbird went along for the ride.  That was the image captured in the picture.  However, the truly amazing part of the story was yet to come.  While the bird remained on the shoe, my daughter reached over and with her fingers carefully began removing one tiny particle of debris at a time.  The hummingbird stayed put.  After the cleaning, it lingered for another few minutes, then off it flew.  When my daughter described this scene to me, I was astonished.  I have had many close encounters with hummingbirds, those messengers of healing, love, hope and joy, but I have never even heard of anything like this.  Feeling its heartbeat and being in such close proximity to those brilliant iridescent feathers - I can only imagine.  I continue to marvel at what is possible. 

A Hummingbird's Gifts

December 6th.  This date eliciting happy childhood memories of annual Nikolaus celebrations, together with other German speaking families. Today, unpacking Christmas boxes, while holding my granddaughter in my arms.  Sorting through countless ornaments and decorations.  Coming across my son's stocking.  Wondering what I might do with it. Something or nothing?  Trying to keep the anxiety at bay.  Focusing on the beauty in my life.  Then, glancing out the kitchen window.  Noticing a precious hummingbird landing on the nearby feeder.  These exquisite birds symbolizing so much.  Incorporated into legends and myths throughout the Americas.  When in flight, wingtips tracing out the infinity sign.  Messengers between worlds, representing immortality. Bringing uplifting energies of hope, joy, healing, and love.  This tiny creature filling my heart, and nourishing my spirit.   Sharing treasured gifts by its mere presence.

Brighter Days

Despite these grey and damp skies, the unmistakable presence of hope exists.  Noticing a multitude of spring's early signs.  Well ahead of the official date, still four weeks away.  Appreciating clusters of delicate snowdrops in a neighbour's garden.  Passing by bushes profusely adorned with pink hued buds.  Grateful for the masses of daffodils inching their way closer to flowering.  Surprisingly spotting an early blooming cherry tree yesterday afternoon.  All this new life, combined with increasing daylight, attempting to brighten the days with optimism and cheer. 

My Son's Birthday

January 8, 1986.  The day my baby boy was born.  So many thoughts and feelings swirling around in my head and heart today.  Carrying that little life full of potential.  Expecting him to be a her.  Thrilled to be wrong.  Easiest baby ever.  Such a loving and playful child.  Growing into a confused, risk taking teen.  So many ups and downs.  Becoming a young man attempting to find his way.  Spending his last birthday in the hospital.  Having again walked to the middle of the bridge the evening before.  Contemplating suicide once more.  Then picking up the pieces and finding resolve.  Optimism and hope.  Twenty-five.  For years the magic number friends and acquaintances were repeating. Assuring me that often boys did not begin to mature until then.  For Michael, celebrating twenty-five birthdays would be all that he needed. There would be no more.  Cannot begin to describe what it feels like to be observing this day without him. 

Baby Parker

This is what hope and joy look like.  A little one making its way into our family.   All of us lovingly awaiting the spring arrival of you, Baby Parker.  Visions of your soul and Uncle Mike conferring ahead of time. About where and when to incarnate.  Some serious discussion.  Much laughter too.  Spending pure quality time together.  Choosing Michael's oldest sister and her husband to be the parents.  Two people keen on giving your life the best possible beginnings.  Surrounded by loving family and friends.  Great choice little one.  Very much looking forward to welcoming you into my arms soon.  You having already found a place in my heart.