Curious Observation

Over lunch at a busy restaurant with my husband Saturday afternoon.  Reminiscing about our son.  Wishing I could ask him something only he would know the answer to.  Half-jokingly suggesting aloud that he, "Knock once for yes, twice for no."  Knowing it was too noisy to actually hear a reply.  This morning, my husband offering a curious observation. Remarking that the numbered ticket he had received for our dinner pickup that same day was number 13.  Then Sunday, his rental agreement contract, number 13.  Within twenty-four hours, the only two activities we had engaged in concerning numbered paper receipts.  Both referencing Michael's favourite number.  

My Son's Birthday

January 8, 1986.  The day my baby boy was born.  So many thoughts and feelings swirling around in my head and heart today.  Carrying that little life full of potential.  Expecting him to be a her.  Thrilled to be wrong.  Easiest baby ever.  Such a loving and playful child.  Growing into a confused, risk taking teen.  So many ups and downs.  Becoming a young man attempting to find his way.  Spending his last birthday in the hospital.  Having again walked to the middle of the bridge the evening before.  Contemplating suicide once more.  Then picking up the pieces and finding resolve.  Optimism and hope.  Twenty-five.  For years the magic number friends and acquaintances were repeating. Assuring me that often boys did not begin to mature until then.  For Michael, celebrating twenty-five birthdays would be all that he needed. There would be no more.  Cannot begin to describe what it feels like to be observing this day without him.