Brighter Days

Despite these grey and damp skies, the unmistakable presence of hope exists.  Noticing a multitude of spring's early signs.  Well ahead of the official date, still four weeks away.  Appreciating clusters of delicate snowdrops in a neighbour's garden.  Passing by bushes profusely adorned with pink hued buds.  Grateful for the masses of daffodils inching their way closer to flowering.  Surprisingly spotting an early blooming cherry tree yesterday afternoon.  All this new life, combined with increasing daylight, attempting to brighten the days with optimism and cheer. 

My Son's Birthday

January 8, 1986.  The day my baby boy was born.  So many thoughts and feelings swirling around in my head and heart today.  Carrying that little life full of potential.  Expecting him to be a her.  Thrilled to be wrong.  Easiest baby ever.  Such a loving and playful child.  Growing into a confused, risk taking teen.  So many ups and downs.  Becoming a young man attempting to find his way.  Spending his last birthday in the hospital.  Having again walked to the middle of the bridge the evening before.  Contemplating suicide once more.  Then picking up the pieces and finding resolve.  Optimism and hope.  Twenty-five.  For years the magic number friends and acquaintances were repeating. Assuring me that often boys did not begin to mature until then.  For Michael, celebrating twenty-five birthdays would be all that he needed. There would be no more.  Cannot begin to describe what it feels like to be observing this day without him. 

Birthday Presence

Dear Kelly,
As your father and brothers celebrate yours and your twin's birthday this weekend, I call upon you to draw in close.  That they may feel your presence and know you are there with them.  To remind them that you will always be part of the family.  As for me, I am so glad you were born and in my life.  Such strength, compassion, love, and optimism.  Thank you for being you.   
All my love,
Vera