Sunday, January 8, 2012
My Son's Birthday
January 8, 1986. The day my baby boy was born. So many thoughts and feelings swirling around in my head and heart today. Carrying that little life full of potential. Expecting him to be a her. Thrilled to be wrong. Easiest baby ever. Such a loving and playful child. Growing into a confused, risk taking teen. So many ups and downs. Becoming a young man attempting to find his way. Spending his last birthday in the hospital. Having again walked to the middle of the bridge the evening before. Contemplating suicide once more. Then picking up the pieces and finding resolve. Optimism and hope. Twenty-five. For years the magic number friends and acquaintances were repeating. Assuring me that often boys did not begin to mature until then. For Michael, celebrating twenty-five birthdays would be all that he needed. There would be no more. Cannot begin to describe what it feels like to be observing this day without him.