Immense Resolve

Such immense resolve required in order to stay the course.  The amount of energy expended while doing so, extraordinary.  That proverbial rug so often getting pulled right out from under me.  Without any warning. Last Friday afternoon.  The day before an already emotionally charged weekend.  An envelope from the Ministry of Public Safety arriving in the mail.  Discovering a cover letter inside, along with the official Coroner's Report.  Including numerous details.  Time of Death.  Cause of Death. By What Means.  And more.  Black and white reminder of the harsh reality.  A formal version of events.  Not much in the way of new information.  Thankfully.  Moments later, the phone ringing.  My husband calling to say he would be working a little late.  Telling him about the letter.  He spontaneously responding with morbid humour. "He's probably still dead."  Leaving me laughing and crying.  Truly exhausting.