Mizpah

I learned a new word today: mizpah.  I came across it while reading an online article posted on Death Cafe.  The word originated in the Bible and now connotes an emotional bond between two people who are separated (either physically or by death).  Up until now, I was unaware that a term used to describe this situation even existed.  Various scenarios involving mizpah come to mind. Parents sending a child overseas with hopes for a better future.  A best friend moving far away.  The death of a loved one.  It turns out that jewellery depicting this concept also exists, typically consisting of a coin-shaped pendant cut in two with a zigzag line.  A perfect image to hold onto for any being connected to another through mizpah.

Unique Journey

In discussion with other parents experiencing the loss of a child.  One mother mentioning something most can identify with.  Likely our biggest common denominator.  "The most important rule in life got broken."  Outliving ones child.  All of us branching out from there.  So many aspects influencing this journey of grieving.  Just as with any huge life altering experience.  The age of the child.  How she died.  The quality of life he was having.  The nature of the parent child relationship.  Family dynamics.  Personality traits.  Spiritual beliefs or the lack thereof.  Personal challenges the parent was facing in addition to this death.  Degree of available resources and support.  A unique journey for each one of us.  No two paths exactly alike.

Recovering Equilibrium

Two steps forward, one step back.  After many days of feeling predominantly optimistic and upbeat, the spirit falters.  Yesterday afternoon.  Several situations converging in a short space of time. Looking through old photos in preparation for a commemorative event later this week.  Listening to unsolicited excuses from a relative about how long it has been since getting together.  Planning Christmas Eve dinner.  Exploring alternate plans for Christmas morning.  All contributing to wearing down emotional reserves.  Tonight a candlelight ceremony at The Compassionate Friends.  The support group for parents who have lost a child.  Following through on a suggestion Michael made last month, I will attend.  This activity likely to provide emotional support.  Assist with recalibration.  Recovering equilibrium. 

Baby Parker

This is what hope and joy look like.  A little one making its way into our family.   All of us lovingly awaiting the spring arrival of you, Baby Parker.  Visions of your soul and Uncle Mike conferring ahead of time. About where and when to incarnate.  Some serious discussion.  Much laughter too.  Spending pure quality time together.  Choosing Michael's oldest sister and her husband to be the parents.  Two people keen on giving your life the best possible beginnings.  Surrounded by loving family and friends.  Great choice little one.  Very much looking forward to welcoming you into my arms soon.  You having already found a place in my heart.

Living with Death

Parents grieving the death of a child.  Sisters mourning the loss of their brother.  Friends deeply missing one of their own.  This morning's paper filled with stories mirroring ours.  Human beings dealing with these inescapable human experiences, each in their own way.  Learning how to live with death.  Something asked of each one of us the moment we chose to be born.

A Refreshing Choice

Speaking with a young mother of three, now considering a fourth.  Discussing the prevalence of expectant parents desiring to know the sex of their fetus long before birth.  Sharing this news with friends and family months before their child is born.  She, in the minority.  Choosing to wait until the Birth Day.  How refreshing.  Embracing the anticipation and wonder leading up to that precious event.  Boy or girl, what will it be?  The subsequent excitement of finding out in that awe filled moment of birth.  The majority choosing to deny themselves the pleasures to be found in this gift of waiting.   One choice costing nothing, the other costing missed opportunities.  Just because one can, does not always mean one should.

We Choose Our Parents

The first time I heard the concept "We Choose our Parents", was when I was in my early twenties. I remember being very confused by it at the time but it stuck with me and over the years I slowly began to comprehend and know that it was so. As I struggled to understand the challenging relationship I had with my father, it helped immensely when I was finally able to see that he was absolutely the right father for me and that I had learned so much from him. By acknowledging that I had chosen him to be my father, it allowed me to feel grateful and know that without him, I would not be the person I am today. As a parent myself, this understanding is a great comfort to me - knowing that my children came into this world choosing me to be their mother and that our relationship was chosen in order to continue challenging us to be the greatest version of ourselves.