I was curious. Had I known my son as well as I thought I did? As I lay on his bed reading through the notes from his time at The Orchard treatment centre, I found myself feeling relieved that there were no huge surprises. The new information that I did learn left me feeling sad, but not shocked. After he died ten weeks ago, one of my first thoughts was gratitude that he had found the courage and strength to commit to that program last year. By doing so, he gave himself and our family the gift of rebuilding relationships. We were able to have the difficult conversations. Without that shared experience, this new reality would feel vastly different. As it is, he left knowing how much I loved him, and I am left knowing he loved me. That goes a long way.