Rich and Vivid Life

Preparing for bed a couple of nights ago.  Expressing gratitude for being able to experience life with an integrated connection to the unseen. Wondering how to articulate to another what it feels like to live this way.  Immediately shown an analogy.  Imagining a person seeing the entire world without colour.  Solely in shades of black and white. Certainly functional, but fairly dull.  Then flipping a switch.  Allowing all the colours of the rainbow to be observed and factored in.  Adding a huge measure of intensity to all perceptions.  Bringing increased vibrancy to daily life.  If that individual were then to incorporate the additional layer of gaining information through intuition and spirit connection, he would experience yet another magnificent shift.  Just as dramatic as the first.  Resulting in an even richer and more vivid life. 

Love From My Son

Reflecting on something wonderful that happened in the early morning on the recent anniversary of Michael's passing.  Lying awake in bed, well before six.  Trying to decide whether or not to get up. Thinking about how early it was and how nice it would be to fall back to sleep after such a restless night.  Moments later seeing Michael's head appear directly beside mine.  Almost touching, cheek to cheek.  Hearing him whisper, "I love you Mom," directly into my ear.  Twice.  Feeling the love behind the words flood through my entire body.  Reminding me of that deep connection we continue to share.  The next conscious thought as I continued to lie awake was, " What would Mikey do?"  The answer came swiftly and clearly.  He would roll over and go right back to sleep!  Which I promptly did for two more hours.  Another amazing gift from spirit.

Embodiment of Love

Dearest Kelly, you were the living embodiment of love.  Reflected in your warm smile and expressive eyes.  Readily felt by anyone in your presence.  Today marks the passing of an entire year without you.  Such a beautiful person greatly missed by so very many.  Friends and family trying to adjust to living with the void left behind.  Necessitating the creation of a revised connection to you.  Seeking comfort in the numerous memories alive in our hearts and minds.  Feeling uplifted when recognizing the loving signs that continue to appear.  Enabling us to stay linked with your spirit forever.

Looking Forward

Standing on the threshold of a new adventure.  Ready to embrace the next chapter of my life.  Devoting attention and energy to publishing a book.  Based on the entries of this online diary.  The seed for this idea planting itself late last summer.  Growing stronger over the ensuing weeks and months.  After today, posting here less frequently.  In order to do justice to this project.  Looking forward to stepping into this journey of the unknown.  Wholly identifying with the first card in the Tarot.  The Fool positioned on the brink of a precipice.  With pure potential, beginning another cycle on The Fool's Journey. 

Last of the Firsts

Well, here it is.  March 7th showing itself once again.  This time, marking the first anniversary of Michael's passing.  Committing early on to fully experiencing this grieving process.  Giving myself the gift of this entire first year.  Without any expectation of what it might look or feel like.  Not pushing anything away.  Greatly appreciating the luxury of being able to do so.  Now having a personal reference point for an entire year's worth of emotionally charged days this life altering event presented.  A milestone of sorts.  Saying goodbye to the last of the firsts.

Under the Same Sun

A year ago today, I last heard your voice.  Calling home from the cabin. Describing the long leisurely walk you had just completed.  Along with Kelly and Diesel.  Under sunny skies, around the frozen snow-covered lake.  Hearing the pure happiness in your voice.  Prompting my heart to smile. Knowing the three of you were enjoying an amazing weekend together.  Holding onto this beautiful image.  Under the same sun, my son, that is thankfully shining down on me today.

If I Seem Distracted

If I do not smile when passing by, forgive me.  If I do not make eye contact, it is not about you.  If I seem distracted, bear with me. Currently putting all my effort into just keeping it together.  Holding on 'til Wednesday passes.  Focusing on mindful breathing.  Meditating. Meeting up with a friend.  And definitely stopping at the florist on the way home.  Buying myself some flowers. 

Pink and Gold Bruised Heart

Coming up on twelve months.  Searching for the word to best describe this mother's heart.  Some in this situation referring to theirs as being scarred.  Implying lack of hope for further healing.  Personally not to viewing it that way.  Neither wounded nor damaged accurately expressing it either.  Earlier this week, settling on bruised.  A piece of my heart now feeling deeply and severely bruised.  Along with the expected corresponding ache and vulnerability.  Likely both lifelong companions.  Fully accepting that.  The greater part of my heart still thoroughly capable of giving and receiving love.  Then a couple of days ago, experiencing an added dimension.  During yoga, in Savasana, with mind's eye fully opened.  Perceiving an abundance of soft pink energy infusing my heart.  Interspersed with swirling strands of gold. Filling the space beyond capacity.  Flowing in and out in every direction.  Once again, witnessing the spiritual body supporting the emotional and physical ones.  With the powerful energies of light and love. 

Unequivocal Response

Early yesterday morning, receiving an unexpected phone call from a close friend.  Describing the occurrence of an incredible metaphysical event at her home.  Involving the surprise appearance of a photograph of my son.  A portrait of him in his graduation gown.  Waiting for her to discover upon waking.  Lying face up under the dining room table.  This photo not one that had been out anywhere on display.  Her living alone, without any pets, removing any doubt of it mistakenly arriving there. This act designed to get her full attention.  Only two days after appealing for communication from Michael.  Sharing a close bond since his birth, but left without contact since his passing.  Open to the concept of communication with spirit.  Never imagining it presenting itself this clearly.  Asking with sincerity and open heart.  Impressively rewarded with an unequivocal response.