Gifts of Sweet Moments

     

     Within the past 48 hours, I have been blessed with having three different people spontaneously share reminders of Michael with me. Considering it has been 6 1/2 years since he died, it is not common for me to hear this many references to him within such a short time. I cherish every precious moment and memory of Michael that friends continue to share. Receiving three so close together is a windfall.
     Two days ago, a close friend of mine texted to say that she was preparing to leave for her highway drive to the Okanagan, where she would be celebrating Christmas with her family. She told me that after lifting her suitcase off the dining room chair, she had pushed the chair back under the table and found a feather lying on the floor under the table. She said that for her, it was a sign that "someone" was wishing her a safe ride up.
     Later that same day, during dinner with another long time friend, who happens to work at Contact Printing, I was told that the microwave at the shop had stopped working this week, and that she and two of her coworkers had remembered that Michael had bought it used off Craigslist for the staff kitchen, about a year before he died.
     Then yesterday, a good friend of Mike's sent me a photo via Messenger that he thought I might like to see. It showed my son during his grade 12 year, seated in a semicircle with five of his friends, celebrating someones birthday.
     Today, our family will gather at Boal Memorial to decorate the little Christmas tree. Despite the cold, rainy weather, we'll hang ornaments, light the candles, and sing some carols while sending loving thoughts to Mike and Kelly. And through it all, I will feel buoyed by the gifts of these sweet reminders of my son.
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Accidental Connection

Woke up to another magnificent sunny day on Sunday.  Leisurely start with morning paper and coffee, followed by checking email, then Facebook.  Scrolling down, I noticed a post from a prominent biologist whom I follow, and as I read the copy accompanying a photo taken at a recent film screening, I was quickly transported from serenity to a heightened state, complete with increased heart rate.  The caption named a Grand Chief and his wife who were both seated beside her.  My intuition kicked in and I had a strong sense that this was the woman who had had the misfortune of driving northbound through Princeton on the early morning of March 7, 2011, approaching a corner to find a car skidding across the ice, directly into her path, then colliding.  To date, the minimal information I had regarding that driver's identity was due to a bizarre coincidence one of my neighbours had shared with me a few months after the accident.  While awaiting dinner service at a conference up in the Okanagan, he had taken his assigned seat, when a fellow attendee, using a cane, approached the table and sat down beside him in her designated seat.  During their conversation, it was revealed that the woman had been in a car accident, thus the cane, and after further discussion, these two realized that the accident was one and the same. When my neighbour returned home, he had told me about the crazy connection but did not mention her by name, only that her husband was an Okanagan band chief and the number of children they had.  Back to the photo.  It took a mere few minutes of online research to realize that indeed this was the right person and to get her contact information.  After some thought, I felt compelled to send her an email, explaining who I was, wishing her well, and assuring her that after Michael and Kelly's deaths, it had never crossed my mind to ask,"Why him, why her, why me?"  This morning, I received a lovely reply resulting in two mother's hearts soothed after this accidental connection.

Celebration on Many Levels

I was looking forward to celebrating the summer solstice by having dinner with a friend at an ocean side restaurant.  Just before leaving home, I thought I'd quickly check Facebook. While scrolling down, I suddenly came upon what looked to be my son's high school graduation photo posted alongside another young man's. I froze. I couldn't process what I was seeing. The thought flashed through my mind that maybe this wasn't really my son, just someone who looked a lot like him. Then, as I read the corresponding paragraph, I learned that these two had graduated together in 2004 and were now both deceased.  Their class was celebrating their 10th High School Reunion tonight and the reunion committee had posted these two grad pictures to show that the boys were not forgotten by their classmates.  How sweet.  How very thoughtful.  After composing myself, I drove off to meet my friend. We had a great time catching up over a delicious meal with weather that was summer perfect. A few hours later, I returned home to the sound of live jazz coming from a nearby house party.  A beautiful night of celebration, on many levels.       

Cartwheels ... Just Because

While walking along the seawall, I noticed a young bikini-clad woman performing a cartwheel on the beach.  This reminded me of an old photo taken at another local beach where my toddler daughter is cartwheeling naked on the sand.  A simple pleasure, done ... just because.  I got to thinking - when had I last executed a cartwheel?  How old was I?  Most likely in my twenties, three decades ago.  Where was I and who was I with?  What if on that day, someone had said, "Vera, this is the last time you will experience the joy of doing a cartwheel." Would I have laughed at the absurdity of that statement?  Would I have thought the person crazy?  Would I have then made a conscious effort to continue incorporating cartwheels into my life?  As I continued walking, I decided that another cartwheel was long overdue.  Arriving home, I placed my hands firmly on the grass, then swung my legs up and over.  It was not very graceful but it was a cartwheel nonetheless.  I am sure that my granddaughter will happily practise with me.

Unequivocal Response

Early yesterday morning, receiving an unexpected phone call from a close friend.  Describing the occurrence of an incredible metaphysical event at her home.  Involving the surprise appearance of a photograph of my son.  A portrait of him in his graduation gown.  Waiting for her to discover upon waking.  Lying face up under the dining room table.  This photo not one that had been out anywhere on display.  Her living alone, without any pets, removing any doubt of it mistakenly arriving there. This act designed to get her full attention.  Only two days after appealing for communication from Michael.  Sharing a close bond since his birth, but left without contact since his passing.  Open to the concept of communication with spirit.  Never imagining it presenting itself this clearly.  Asking with sincerity and open heart.  Impressively rewarded with an unequivocal response.  

Forever

Gazing up at the large photo perched upon the shelf.  A carefree image of Michael hamming it up with his friends.  Finding myself once again ruminating on the concept of forever.  Initially viewing it from the purely physical perspective.  Contemplating the reality of him never sitting here on the sofa with me again.  It takes my breath away.  Then purposefully redirecting my thinking.  Flipping it over.  Turning it around.  Focusing on the understanding that his essence exists eternally.  Enabling me to resume breathing comfortably once again.

Shifting Moments

How quickly it still shifts from moment to moment.  Awaking Friday morning to a magnificent sunrise.  Contrasting greatly with the storm of the previous day.  Strolling in the sunshine along the rocky seashore. Chatting and laughing with a friend and her dog.  Grateful for the change of scenery and distractions.  Upon returning to the cottage, checking my computer.  Noticing a posting made minutes earlier.  A photo of Michael.  Standing beside the ocean, arms stretched out wide. Taken days before he died.  One I have seen before.  Now catching me completely off guard.   This scene a perfect match to the one I had just been experiencing.  A second uploaded image showing a necklace his aunt had created  for herself in his memory.   Incorporating a heart and a star.  This, my first glimpse of it.  Both pictures instantly transporting me from a sense of peace and lightness to one of heart piercing sadness. Tears falling.  Breathing through it.  Then moving on with the day. Enjoying an afternoon with more laughter and conversation.  A short drive and ferry ride later, arriving home with a sense of contentment. Noticing the stack of unopened mail.  Tearing open a large envelope addressed to me.  Reading the enclosed letter from one of Michael's and Kelly's high school teachers.  One who is also living in this community. Sharing her condolences, as well as some memories.  Resulting in further emotions to process.  More tears.  In both cases, greatly appreciating that others continue to think about him.  Making the effort to share that.   As difficult as it is being in the feelings these pictures and words evoke, I am thankful for the communication.  Helping me feel connected and supported.  This ongoing roller-coaster ride.

Blowing Kisses

Perfect location.  Hanging there on the wall at the foot of the stairs.  A photo of just the two of them.  Taken at the cabin a couple of years ago. Both with their infectious smiles and piercing blue eyes.  That moment in time captured for eternity.  Connecting to this image when descending the staircase.  Through my heart and my eyes.  First thing in the morning.  Many times during the course of the day.  Often moved to blowing them a kiss.  Always a love filled moment.  And one of gratitude for having them in my life.