Conflicted

Collecting ideas about how to best mark the one year anniversary next week.  The obvious visit to Boal Memorial.  Then gathering here at home with his sisters and brothers-in-law for mutual emotional support.  Relighting the gold candles used at his service.  Watching family videos.  Perhaps working on that unfinished puzzle Michael and Kelly had started, still lingering under the chair.  For dinner, ordering Chinese or preparing chicken fajitas.  The latter option reflecting the meal they created for us the day before leaving for their last cabin weekend.  Later, possibly playing a game together.   All simple but meaningful activities.  Connecting us to memories and the energy of our son and brother.  However, behind all this planning, certainly feeling conflicted.  On the one hand, focusing on honouring how much he meant to us and how deeply he is missed.  On the other, desperately wishing he were physically here instead.