Open Circle

      Since early this year, I have been lacking inspiration to write, and for the past couple of weeks, experienced increasing anxiety regarding the upcoming 6th anniversary of my son's death. A few days ago, I realized that in order to bolster my link with the metaphysical realm, I needed to attend an Open Circle, something I had not done for well over a year. And so, I did.

     Seven of us, including the facilitator, began with a healing meditation - for the group, for friends and acquaintances, for the entire planet. This was followed by a lengthy guided visualization, and concluded with mediumship and sharing messages for each other. 

     To see and feel Michael's presence during my visualization was a huge source of comfort and support. He presented as his 25-year-old self, and was so "alive" with enthusiasm, smiling and emanating immense joy. It was obvious that he was as happy to see me as I was to see him. During our time together, it felt like a case of role reversal -  as if I were the child and he the parent, showing me the way. Later, when it came time to share our experiences with the group, I learned that he even showed up in someone else's visualization. 

     At the end of the evening, there were several wonderful messages for me from other circle participants, all of which served to strengthen the relationship with my son.

    Along with a renewed desire to write, those inspiring three hours of deep spiritual connection with Michael resulted in relieving some of my anxiety and filling my being with joy and contentment. So glad I followed through on my intuition to attend - a powerful evening with lasting impact.

www.diaryofanintuitive.com

The Trickster Known as Time

While resting in Savasana pose during my recent yoga class, I was hovering in that blissful state of in between - aware of my body, yet simultaneously experiencing my pure spirit form. While in this state, I always feel extremely close to my son. On this particular evening, as an added bonus, I was reminded of how changeable our perception of time can be depending on our situation, and I instantly understood why I needed this reminder.
There are moments in my life when I fleetingly wish it was time to leave my body completely behind and fully return to the realm of pure spirit because it feels daunting when I consider the possibility of living with the loss of my son for an additional thirty years or more. Ah, the trickster known as Time - it continues to play games.
When we are young, we often look ahead, wishing we were just that little bit older. The ten-year-old thinking that if only he were thirteen, how wonderful life would be - a high school student with no need for babysitters, along with permission to venture further afield with friends. The thirteen-year-old wishing she were sixteen, offering the independence of driving, as well as greater opportunity for part-time jobs. The seventeen-year-old looking ahead to being twenty-one, imagining free reign to fully enjoy the privileges that come with that age. In each of these scenarios, the space that exists between the current self and the future self looms large. Of course, as we age, our vantage point shows us just how fleeting each stage of life really is. To take it one step further, an entire lifetime, when held up against all the lives one has already lived and those yet to come, happens in the blink of an eye. Yoga and meditation, once again, lovingly nudge my focus to the present.

www.diaryofanintuitive.com

The Art of Love

Today is day one of the month associated with celebrating love. This year, I am fully embracing the theme by challenging myself to make a conscious love connection on each of the twenty-eight days in February. This will include celebrating romantic love, love between friends, maternal love, self-love, and brotherly love. It may take the visible form of a call, a card, a hug, a gift, a kiss. Or, it may be invisible - a meditation, a prayer, or one of my favourites, visualizing hundreds of tiny hearts raining down on strangers. Thank you February for inviting me to practice the art of love. 
Image: Johntex
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Candles Lighting the Way

This morning, I pulled out the mini Christmas tree and ornaments in preparation for tomorrow's family visit to Boal. It wasn't until I was out walking in the canyon, a short time later, that the emotions started swirling. I am thankful for this tradition we originally created to honour my mother at the cemetery, then moved to Boal after Michael and Kelly died. I know there will be some tears, that's a given, but there will also be a few laughs. And of course, there will be candles. Tiny, white ones clipped to the branches. Anyone who knows me well, knows this - I love candles. Surrounding myself with them is one of my favourite aspects of this season. There is something so pure and uplifting about candlelight. Earlier this week, while wandering through a spectacular garden light display, my husband and I paused to light two candles for Michael and Kelly, infuse them with good wishes, and place them side by side on a ledge in the rock grotto.  This Sunday evening, we'll be observing Winter Solstice with candles during the Lantern Festival in our city's classical Chinese Garden.  And over these next few days, when I recognize the need for additional grounding, a simple candle meditation will be in order.  Sitting cross-legged before a candle and with soft gaze, focussing on the flame. Visualizing the light making its way into my third eye and seeing the beam flow directly into my heart. Appreciating all the candles lighting the way, inside and out.

Photo credit: Two Wings

Being Nurtured by Nurturing

                                                   

The need to be nurtured is not something I ever imagined I would be yearning for at this age.  It never occurred to me that a fifty-seven-year-old grandmother could still crave this kind of support.  And yet, I do.  It began the day Michael died, and has not subsided.  At times, I wistfully consider how nice it would be if my mother were still alive, to provide the comfort that only one's mother can.  A few days ago, this subject appeared in a meditation - I saw a huge, bright sphere of orange energy.  I was told that when I nurture others, I am contributing to this collective source of nurturing energy which flows in all directions, and is available for me to draw on for myself as needed. A give and take situation.  Not the same as having my mother physically present, but it will have to do.

Courageous Choice

The concept of courage has presented itself numerous times over these past few days - shown to me in a meditation, discussed while walking with a friend, and presented as a online forum topic.  For those who make the conscious choice to continue embracing life, despite having challenging experiences thrown in our path, courage is what we draw on in order to keep angling our souls towards the light, rather than retreating into darkness.  In the face of ongoing pain or grief, making the daily choice to find joy and gratitude is an act of courage, requiring an enormous output of energy.  The return on that investment is the gift of a life worth living.

Showered With Riches

It has been a week of incredible abundance, with riches continually pouring in.
The gift of celebration: meeting up with classmates at our 40th high school reunion, most of whom I had not seen for ten years, or longer, engaging in heartwarming conversations.
The gift of shared meals: lunch with one side of our family, followed by Sunday dinner with my daughters and their families.
The gift of a sunny morning in Stanley Park, my granddaughter and I: experiencing the playground, beach, and Laughing Statues through the eyes of a two-year-old.  
The gift of guided meditation at ISA: gleaning powerful spiritual insights and enjoying the exchange of psychic abilities.
The gift of winning not one, but two contests I had entered: feeling lucky beyond belief.
The gift of culture: visiting several art exhibits, free of charge, all showcasing some fantastic works.
Being showered with such riches, in addition to those I am already so fortunate to experience daily, has made for a most amazing week. Sending a heartfelt thank-you to all involved!

Crystal Clear

Last night, I had the pleasure of attending an uplifting crystal bowl group mediation.  It took place, after hours, inside a shop carrying gifts, accessories, clothing and more, items designed to add joy and serenity to people's lives.  I had stopped in once when it first opened late last spring, but had not been there since.  After we dozen or so participants settled ourselves in a circle, the facilitator opened the session with a prayer from George Harrison, then explained that the vibrations we would hear while he played the bowl would address the throat chakra, associated with communication and the colour blue.  With eyes closed, we relaxed into ourselves as he continually moved his mallet around the rim.  He played the huge, crystal bowl for thirty to forty minutes, then let the sound fade away.  After opening my eyes and allowing myself to fully return to my body, I looked across the room, and that is when I saw it.  My book displayed upright with full cover view, on a shelf behind the facilitator. I was unaware that this particular shop carried Diary of an Intuitive.  More to the point, I had not noticed the book while passing back and forth in front of it numerous times while arranging chairs for the group, nor had I noticed it during the circle introduction.  While I was processing the magic of this moment, the facilitator invited us to share any experiences we had had with regards to the meditation and he answered individual's questions.  He told a joke involving Sitting Bull, reminding us of the importance of humour, spoke about love being the ongoing connection between life and death, and referred to signs by which people often identify the presence of a loved one who has passed.  After a few minutes of reflection, I began telling the group about what had just occurred to me.  Most of them were unable to see the book from where they were sitting, so I described it to them: a heart containing the words love and gratitude positioned on the blue cover of a book communicating experiences about life and death, and some of the in between.  Almost as an afterthought, I began explaining the story behind the two feathers positioned beside the heart.  No sooner had I  spoken the words "two feathers", when the facilitator's wife, who had been writing notes, lifted her head, and with a nod towards her husband, told me, "That's his name".  Seeing the confusion on my face, her husband, who had introduced himself to us using his French name, explained that he had some native ancestry consisting of two warring tribes, thus the name Two Feathers. Oh my. So many overlapping themes: blue, communication, love, death, feathers. Never a dull moment on this spiritual journey. It's not a stretch to imagine that Michael's spirit guide Geronimo was infused into this magical evening, as well. 

Guidance

Thirteen of us, that magical number, showed up for the most recent Open Circle at ISA.  We began with a guided meditation during which I was drawn to a brilliant amber-coloured energy.  While immersed in this vibrant hue for a prolonged time, I eventually recognized it was a sign encouraging me to explore gemstones of this colour.  The previous week, I had met a woman at a local metaphysical store and we had engaged in a short conversation about my book.  Then, just as she was leaving, she turned to say there was a crystal I should be wearing, but she had no idea which one.  Now, armed with the knowledge from this mediation, amber seems an obvious choice.  I have been steered in this direction before, but not worn any for quite some time.  I look forward to pulling out the few pieces I have, and refreshing my knowledge about its energetic properties.  As with most of my guided meditations, I received insight into an aspect of my life, along with recommended action I could take.  Guidance that is always appreciated.

Powerful Antidote

Another rewarding evening spent at the International Spiritualist Alliance.  Only a small number of us showed up for the open circle session to practice our connection with spirit.  This resulted in a great deal of hands-on experience for all.  It began with a guided meditation to help ground and prepare us.  This was followed by energy work in the form of expanding auras, sensing spirit, and giving psychometry readings.  We closed with a lengthy healing meditation sending energy to those within the room, as well as to people in our greater community who could also benefit.  The evening served as a powerful antidote to the challenging energy I had encountered earlier in the day.  How grateful am I?  Very.  

The Mysterious Realm of Communication

My most recent evening at the ISA included a relaxing guided meditation, as well as a heartfelt message from my paternal grandfather, in German, of course.  About family, about love.  He spoke directly to me, no medium required, about the parent-child relationship and the various ways it has played out within our family over these past four generations.  Even though this man had died long before I was born, I instantly recognized his spirit and felt a deep connection as he shared his observations.  The ISA evening ended about a half-hour later than usual, and when I got in my car, the clock read 9:55.  After these sessions, I am usually home around 10 o'clock, and since it's about a thirty minute drive, I contemplated calling my husband to tell him not to wait up.  Then I thought about how exhausted he was and the strong possibly of him being asleep, so I decided against it.  When I arrived home, he was surprisingly still awake, and before I had a chance to tell him about my evening he told me about a strange incident that had occurred.  He had been watching TV in the den when he heard a beeping sound coming from elsewhere in the house.  As he approached the living room, he realized that the alarm was ringing on the clock in there.  We don't use the alarm feature and it had never spontaneously gone off - it had not even been touched recently.  He went on to say that it had happened at 9:55.  Obviously that had no significance for him until I explained what I had been doing at exactly that time.  For me, this was yet another new experience in the mysterious realm of communication.  Fascinating, for sure.

Expanding Perceptions

It had been months since I last took part in an ISA evening, and was therefore keen to go earlier this week.  The thirteen of us in attendance placed our chairs in a circle, and participated in a group meditation. Familiar images and concepts appeared in my mind's eye, including: the infinity symbol; vibrant pink and gold energy; the inescapable link between love and pain.  An entirely new experience also awaited me, related to all of the above.   I noticed an androgynous energy-being, appearing as an opaque white light with elongated head and limbs, standing behind me. After resting its hands on my shoulders for a while, it moved around to face me.  Soon, I became aware that my gold locket, containing photos of Michael and Kelly, was gently swinging back and forth.  At first, I felt confused, but that confusion quickly turned to astonishment when I realized that the light-being was physically moving my piece of jewellery!  I acknowledged this act with gratitude, thanking the being for enabling me to have  another magnificent spiritual experience.  By staying open to possibilities, my perceptions of existence continue to expand.

Labyrinth Insights

Located in a dark gym, last week's solstice labyrinth was erected using seven hundred small paper bags, each containing a candle, placed about a foot apart on the floor.  I entered the complex, winding route with one simple intention: to be open to receive.  Proceeding with clear mind, soft gaze and measured steps, the poignant insights and appreciated reminders arrived.   
✪ There are many lights in my life including my husband, daughters, son-in-laws, granddaughter, brother, good friends, and extended family. 
✪  Michael's light and mine both shine brightly enough to touch each other, and in this way, we are never apart. 
✪ Passing by the people walking towards me along this path full of twists and turns, I was reminded that we are all proceeding towards enlightenment at our own pace, in our own way.
✪ One light is of great value and able to make a huge difference, however, many lights functioning together have the potential to create something greater than the sum of its parts. 
Halfway through this walking meditation I intuitively brought my hands together in prayer, and held them thus 'til the end, symbolizing connection to all, visible and invisible - to the others in the room, to those who had gone before me, to those yet to come.  Our lights were all shining together, producing one bigger and brighter light. Upon leaving, I felt gratitude for the numerous volunteers who had conceived, produced, and administered this labyrinth.  The vibrational rates of the hundreds and hundreds of people wandering this path were raised, helping to elevate humanity as a whole.  Returning outdoors, I felt connected to all that is, and today, I hold this experience in my soul as I prepare to step into the new year. 

Love and Gratitude

Two stockings now hang by the fireplace, my husband's and mine.  After some discussion, we decided to reinstate this tradition, having given it a pass last year.  There is some ambivalence here for me;  I am glad that we are brave enough to try this out, but experience a pang in my heart each time I notice the one that is not here.  Much of today will be spent lovingly preparing Christmas Eve dinner for the sixteen of us celebrating here tonight.  However, there is also time set aside for meditation this afternoon, ensuring that I connect on that deeper level with my son.  Later, two special candles will be lit -  ones standing sentry beside a photo of Michael and Kelly.  And as these emotionally charged days unfold,  I will continue to focus on gratitude and the abundance of love.  This is what nourishes me and enables joy to shine through.

The Power of Intention

Thankful for this week's occurrence of receiving nocturnal wisdom. Gaining understanding by way of clear, concise information.  Not dreaming.  No interpretation required.  Rather, having a sense of tapping into the universe's vault of knowledge.  Regarding my relationship with a loved one.  Where frustration had been building. Feeling confused on how to deal with it.  Deciding to take time for meditation.  Specifically, asking for clarity on achieving resolution. While sleeping later that night, fully experiencing the information, not just seeing it.  Finding myself placed in a frustrating situation.  Actually walking the path to unhappiness and dismay.  Then, being repositioned to the beginning of exactly the same scene.  However, this time taking steps along an alternate route.  Resulting in contentment and acceptance.  Immediately aware that the variable responsible for determining the outcome was the intention I was holding within.  In the first scenario, acting on the assumption that the outcome would be unsatisfactory and disappointing.  In the second, feeling optimistic that it was unfolding in a hopeful and loving way.  A powerful and timely reminder that how I experience something is simply up to me. 
  

Heartfelt Request

Preparing for morning meditation.  Focusing on the breath.  Taking longer than usual to get settled.  Once there, asking Michael's spirit to please continue staying close.  Visualizing our energies interweaving while sitting in this stillness.  Breathing the essence of him into my heart.  Very much needing his daily help while navigating this journey. Strongly believing in the existence of a spiritual law providing the availability of long term support in circumstances such as this.  Part of the contract when engaging in the experience of a parent losing a child. The bond between these spirits remaining especially strong and deeply attached.  Continuing to put out this heartfelt request nevertheless. Knowing the onus is on us to invite this help in.  They not wanting to overstep their parameters.  Waiting for our expression of free will instead. 

Time to Bloom

Later today, co-facilitating an evening session of well-being for a small group.  Two of us combining our interests, wanting to share our passions.  Leading participants through relaxing yoga poses and intuitive development activities.  A perfect combination.  The concept leaping into my awareness while swimming lengths a few weeks ago. Set in motion days later, and now finally here.  Not without some accompanying doubt and anxiety along the way.  This morning, shown a powerful image during mediation.  Seeing a simple flower with its long graceful stem lying horizontally along the ground.  Then slowly rising to a fully vertical position.  Clearly symbolizing growth and time to bloom.   All the preparation enabling it to now stand strong and sure. This magnificent experience giving me exactly the reassurance that was needed.

Om Bath

Some love to shower, others prefer to bathe.  Myself, definitely one of the latter.  Enjoying the grounding effect of soaking in a tub of warm water.  Not long ago, discovering an entirely new bathing experience. Accomplishing it without getting wet.  A meditation teacher leading our group through an Om Bath.  In lieu of participants beginning and ending the Om chant simultaneously, having us stagger the start. Immersing ourselves in continual Oms over the course of fifteen minutes.  Akin to singing rounds in a choir.  Phenomenal sound experience.  Bathing fully clothed.

Fun in the Sun

Off to enjoy the sun and sand.  Time for some long overdue fun.  A good friend generously loaning us the use of her oceanfront condo.  Looking forward to experiencing the physical representation of the vision shown in that meditation last spring.  Walking the beach.   Swimming with the turtles.  Contemplating that link between the stars above and those below.  Feeling infinitely connected.

A Mother Hen Experience

Low energy weekend.  Emotionally and physically.  Acutely missing my son.  Making every effort to pull myself up.  Swim at the pool.  Long meditation.  Out for a run.  All with little success.  Suddenly, the image of a mother hen flashing through my mind.  Identifying with her immediately.  Proud of her baby chicks.  Happy to see them flourishing, exploring their environment, making their own way.  Then finding herself momentarily faltering.  Keenly feeling that empty space left behind by the one now gone.  Experiencing an overwhelming desire to gather in the ones remaining.  Wanting to hold them close.  Needing the reassurance of that motherly connection.  Enlisting help from my daughters.  Both thankfully able to accommodate.  One having coffee with me,  the other coming over to play cards.  Helping to soothe this mother's heart.