Holding the Pieces Together

Over the past few weeks, as I occasionally considered the approaching second anniversary of Michael's death, I noticed that my feelings of dread were not as overwhelming as they were last year, and for that I was grateful.  Then suddenly, this morning, I hit the emotional wall.  I had set aside time to unpack a few more boxes and clean the house in preparation for our family dinner tomorrow.  I was missing him terribly, so during the housework, I decided to blast the music that had played at his service.  I had not heard this CD for the better part of a year.  A few songs in, over the noisy vacuum cleaner, I was startled by a shattering noise.  When I looked over to where the sound had come from, I saw one of the glass candle holders from the top shelf lying broken on the floor, reduced to shattered fragments.  It had been one of a matching pair given to me a few months after the tragedy - one honouring Michael and the other for Kelly.  I picked up the remains of the base, and even before I turned it over to check the initial on the bottom, I knew it would be an M.  That is when the floodgates opened. When I tried to make sense of what had happened, I realized that the music speaker was on a lower shelf and the vibration must have shaken the one candle holder off.  Was it an accident or something more?  It was definitely a reflection of the shattered feelings I was experiencing. Tomorrow I plan on going to yoga, then babysitting my granddaughter, followed by spending time with my family.  This will all contribute in helping to hold my pieces together.

Labyrinth Insights

Located in a dark gym, last week's solstice labyrinth was erected using seven hundred small paper bags, each containing a candle, placed about a foot apart on the floor.  I entered the complex, winding route with one simple intention: to be open to receive.  Proceeding with clear mind, soft gaze and measured steps, the poignant insights and appreciated reminders arrived.   
✪ There are many lights in my life including my husband, daughters, son-in-laws, granddaughter, brother, good friends, and extended family. 
✪  Michael's light and mine both shine brightly enough to touch each other, and in this way, we are never apart. 
✪ Passing by the people walking towards me along this path full of twists and turns, I was reminded that we are all proceeding towards enlightenment at our own pace, in our own way.
✪ One light is of great value and able to make a huge difference, however, many lights functioning together have the potential to create something greater than the sum of its parts. 
Halfway through this walking meditation I intuitively brought my hands together in prayer, and held them thus 'til the end, symbolizing connection to all, visible and invisible - to the others in the room, to those who had gone before me, to those yet to come.  Our lights were all shining together, producing one bigger and brighter light. Upon leaving, I felt gratitude for the numerous volunteers who had conceived, produced, and administered this labyrinth.  The vibrational rates of the hundreds and hundreds of people wandering this path were raised, helping to elevate humanity as a whole.  Returning outdoors, I felt connected to all that is, and today, I hold this experience in my soul as I prepare to step into the new year. 

Comforting Communication

Enjoying a glass of wine in these waning moments of this summer solstice evening.  Alone with lights dimmed.  Cherishing the warm glow of a beautifully decorated candle.  One covered in a delicate swirling pattern of sage and coral.  Sitting here reflecting on the moving events at the ISA tonight.  Receiving a message from my son.  Him describing a forest scene with sun shining through the trees.  Exactly where I had been running this morning.  Making reference to our communication there.  Something we always engage in.  Expressing his joy in being able to stay connected.  Passing on encouragement.   Knowing I need it.  My mother coming through as well.  Later, taking my turn up on the platform.  Practising mediumship.  Bringing a message through for someone else in the audience.  Thankful to be learning to serve in this way.  Then upon leaving, speaking to a woman whom I had never met.  Learning she is also living with the experience of losing a child.  Finding great comfort in our conversation.  Both of us wondering aloud what this journey would look like without the spiritual awareness.  Agreeing it would likely be very grim indeed.  Instead, so grateful to know what we know.

Perfect Combination

Such a powerful experience earlier this week.  One that will not be forgotten.  Lighting the candle. Sitting cross-legged.  Connecting to breath, eyes closed.  From deep within, calling upon the universe for assistance.  Silently formulating the request, "Help me through, help me through."  Invoking support to feel strong and grounded.  Moments later, guidance arriving in the form of a mantra.  One entirely new to me.  "Be Strong--I Can--I Am." Spontaneously repeating it numerous times.  Allowing it to resonate completely.  Resulting in relaxation and a measure of renewed fortitude. Meditation and prayer.  A perfect combination.