Significant Birthdays and Unexpected Gifts

 

     This week of significant birthdays, along with unexpected gifts, began with my mother's birthday on January 4th. Were she still living she would now be eighty-one years old. Looking to buy flowers for her memorial bench, and with the local shop where I usually bought them now closed, I stopped in at another neighbourhood store where I had see flowers for sale in the past. When I asked the clerk where they were, she told me they no longer carry cut flowers but that they still had some potted white poinsettias, then offered to give me one, no charge. As I approached the till, she insisted I take two, explaining that the bench would look much nicer that way. Such a thoughtful gift!
     Wednesday, I showed up for my weekly boot camp group class to discover that I was the only participant, and as a result, received the gift of a one-hour private session at the drop-in price. So lucky!
     Thursday, I stopped by an outdoor equipment store and when I arrived at the checkout, noticed a promotion - for each pair of snowshoes purchased, the buyer would receive a free snowshoe ticket valid for the Callaghan trails, an area I've never explored. I had given my husband snowshoes for Christmas and when I explained this to the cashier, he was happy to honour the promo. Sweet gift!
     Today is my son's birthday. He would be thirty, were he still here. This morning, I will be meeting up with a friend who also lives with the experience of losing a child. The gift of support from someone who understands. This evening, our family will gather for dinner at The Old Spaghetti Factory, as we have every January 8th since Michael died. The gift of each other as we carry on to the best of our abilities without our funny, loving, handsome guy.
     This week finishes out with my best friend's 60th birthday tomorrow. We will be celebrating a woman who has been an integral part of my life for close to forty years. A sister to me, an aunt to my children. The gift of a relationship I cannot imagine living without. Most precious, worth its weight in gold.
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Celebrating Souls

    

     Born to a Catholic mother fifty-nine years ago today, I share my birthday with All Souls' Day, the holy day set aside for honouring the dead. On November 2nd, Catholics pray for the souls of loved ones who have died. My understanding is that they specifically pray for the purification of souls stuck in purgatory, in order that they may reach heaven. 
     My exposure to the Catholic teachings during my upbringing was minimal, limited to Christmas and Easter celebrations. And it has never occurred to me to pray for my mother's soul over the thirteen years she's been gone. I trust that her soul is exploring an existence in the perfect location, exactly where it is meant to be. However, today it occurred to me that choosing to be born to a Catholic mother on November 2nd may, on some level, be connected to my sense of serenity when considering life, death and beyond. The specific intention behind All Souls' Day does not resonate with me; instead, as I celebrate my birth, I send much love to the souls of my departed loved ones, wherever they may be. 
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The Art of Love

Today is day one of the month associated with celebrating love. This year, I am fully embracing the theme by challenging myself to make a conscious love connection on each of the twenty-eight days in February. This will include celebrating romantic love, love between friends, maternal love, self-love, and brotherly love. It may take the visible form of a call, a card, a hug, a gift, a kiss. Or, it may be invisible - a meditation, a prayer, or one of my favourites, visualizing hundreds of tiny hearts raining down on strangers. Thank you February for inviting me to practice the art of love. 
Image: Johntex
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Celebrating Love and Life

That was the best MGMG tournament yet.  Taking place on a warm, sunny day miraculously sandwiched in-between one and half days of steady rain with cool temperatures on either side.  Surpassing our fundraising goal by donating $4611 to Canuck Place Children's Hospice.  Inviting new people into the fold.  Delighting in the sweet energy of an increasing number of little ones present.  Experiencing an abundance of hugs, laughs, and stories, along with some tears, as well. Friends and family not missing Mike and Kelly any less, but honouring them both by celebrating love and life, fully.  Go us!

My Son's Birthday

January 8, 1986.  The day my baby boy was born.  So many thoughts and feelings swirling around in my head and heart today.  Carrying that little life full of potential.  Expecting him to be a her.  Thrilled to be wrong.  Easiest baby ever.  Such a loving and playful child.  Growing into a confused, risk taking teen.  So many ups and downs.  Becoming a young man attempting to find his way.  Spending his last birthday in the hospital.  Having again walked to the middle of the bridge the evening before.  Contemplating suicide once more.  Then picking up the pieces and finding resolve.  Optimism and hope.  Twenty-five.  For years the magic number friends and acquaintances were repeating. Assuring me that often boys did not begin to mature until then.  For Michael, celebrating twenty-five birthdays would be all that he needed. There would be no more.  Cannot begin to describe what it feels like to be observing this day without him. 

Table For Fifteen

Preparing for tomorrow night's dinner.  Setting the table for fifteen. Celebrating Christmas Eve here, German style.  As we have for the past nine years.  Carrying on the tradition my parents passed on.  My great-niece making her initial appearance at this particular event.  A few days shy of her first birthday.  Bringing her sweet energy to this family gathering.  Myself, unsure of what to expect this first Christmas without my son.  Obviously an emotional time.  Not lamenting over it.  Just going with it.  Knowing each person here will be missing him too. Directing my attention to what is present.  Simultaneously acknowledging what is missed.  Therein lies the balancing act.  Not tempted to wish this celebration away.  Never.  So much to be grateful for.  The individual aspects of this tradition continually changing as they must.  However, the integrity of the whole remaining supportive, reassuring, and intact.

Luminous Occasion

Winter Solstice.  Our northern hemisphere experiencing the longest night of the year.  From here on in, less darkness, more light. Definitely worth celebrating.  Festivals, rituals, and gatherings marking this occasion around the world.  One such event taking place tonight in the Chinese Gardens downtown.  Complete with lanterns and live music. Planning on heading over to enjoy the luminous affair.  Adding fuel to the internal flame.  Helping to keep it burning bright.

Nine Months

Doing the math.  Three quarters of the way through this first year. Anticipating the challenges that still lie ahead.  More birthdays without them, including hers and his.  Celebrating Christmas and New Years. Then Valentine's Day, followed by the one year anniversary.  Mulling over ways to best honour the occasions.  Striving to incorporate love and joy into each of these events.  Providing some balance to the obvious sadness of missing them. 

Celebrating the Light

Waking up to frost under clear skies.  Ahhh.  December now arriving in all its glory.  Perfect weather for slipping into the spirit of the season. Embracing the preparations and festivities.  With mindfulness and an open heart.  Celebrating the light.  In social gatherings or with just one other.  Choosing to continue finding the joy. 

Birthday Season Begins

Our birthday season begins.  The ten of us born between mid October and the end of January.  Starting with my husband's special day.  Our family celebrating at the bowling lanes tonight.  Something we have not done in years.  Complete with food, cake, and singing 'Happy Birthday' off key.  Looking forward to the pure and simple fun of playing together. Missing their presence but grateful that we continue creating joyful moments to share.

Giving Thanks

Seven months now.  Some milestones passed.  Others yet to come.  The flow of each day still very much up and down, in and out.  Going along for the ride to the best of my ability.  So looking forward to this weekend away.  A tradition started three years ago.  Celebrating Thanksgiving Gambier Island style.  Games to play, dogs to walk, and a bountiful turkey dinner to share.  Above all, time simply spent in each other's company.  So much to be thankful for.

Another Milestone

Today marks our 32nd wedding anniversary.  Also, four months precisely since that fateful day.  My husband and I will commemorate by delivering the cheque to Canuck Place Children's Hospice. Then, an intimate lunch somewhere.  Acknowledging the efforts and gifts of each other.  Celebrating what we have created together.