Supported and Cared For

As 2014 was drawing to an end, I considered what the energy of 2015 held in store, and I felt it would be a supportive and nurturing year, infused with a sense of well-being while held in the universe's caring embrace.  I made the assumption, that generally, this would translate into a softer, easier year for all. But, right from day one, I learned of huge challenges and upheavals in the lives of some of my family, friends and clients. At first glance, this appeared to be in direct contrast to what I had initially sensed, but upon reflection, I realized that their challenges present me, and others, with the opportunity to offer supportive and nurturing energy to them.  And so, even though many may not experience this year as softer or easier, hopefully we will all feel supported and cared for.

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Grandparents' Day

While checking the calendar last week, I noticed that today, the second Sunday in September, is national Grandparents' Day.  I had no idea that we had an official day designated in their honour.  As someone who loves celebrations, I wonder how I missed this since it's been around for almost twenty years.  I also noticed that this year, the holiday would fall on the 7th of the month, coinciding with my monthly Boal Memorial visit.  Connecting the two threads, my thoughts turned from celebrating, to perhaps marking the occasion slightly differently - it would be a fitting day to take my mother-in-law along to visit the setting of Michael's remains, as she had once expressed an interest, but never been.  That thought led me to once again consider the trials of a grieving grandparent.  In addition to having to process the pain of losing a grandchild, there is the added difficulty of bearing witness to their child's pain of grieving the death of their child.  For the most part, the grandparent's experience is endured with very little support.  So for me, this Grandparents' Day will embrace honouring the challenges as well as experiencing the joys of being a grandparent, because "coincidentally", it turns out that I will be spending time with my two little blessings this evening. 

Having Resolve

Having resolve means deciding firmly on a course of action, making the best of a challenging situation.  It requires digging deep to draw on one's inner strength, which leads to becoming even stronger.
Having resolve is what my newly separated, fifty-something friend is choosing as she creates a new life for herself after being informed by her husband of almost thirty years that he no longer wants to be married.   
Having resolve is what my recently married, twenty-eight-year-old acquaintance is demonstrating as she courageously undergoes surgery, chemo, and radiation for her recent breast cancer diagnosis.
Having resolve is what I choose every morning, then repeatedly employ over the course of the day in order to not go under from the grief.  The reward is personal growth, and opportunity for personal growth is what our life challenges are all about.

Growing Together

     Yesterday, I met up for lunch with my brother, my sole sibling.  It made my day.  We live an hour's drive apart and even though we see each other when our families get together a couple of times a year, meeting up for lunch is something my brother and I do every few months as well.  Just the two of us.  It was not always so.   

     In the early years we were close, sharing a bedroom and playing together most of the time.  We grew apart in our teens as we developed contrasting interests and hobbies -  not uncommon for a sister and brother.  As young adults busy raising families, we rarely saw each other outside of familial obligations such as Christmas and birthday dinners.  Misunderstandings, as well as taxing birth family dynamics, contributed to keeping us from wanting to connect outside of these events.  
     Then, life began throwing us opportunities to turn our relationship around.  The first noticeable shift began a decade ago, after our mother's death, when we occasionally began spending time together outside of the expected family get-togethers.  During that time, my teen-aged son began developing a deep bond with his adored uncle, which led to my brother and I connecting more often.  Four years ago, our relationship was further strengthened when we simultaneously became estranged from our father.  That was when our lunch dates became more regular.  We finally understood how much we mattered to each other.  Then, Michael's death occurred, which subsequently deepened the connection between my brother and me, to the point where we now check in with each other every couple of weeks.      
     My brother and I still have very different interests and hobbies.  Our lifestyles do not have much in common, either.  However, through facing our shared family challenges together, we have now arrived in a place where we do not take each other for granted, support each other in everything we do, and are fully aware that the other has our back - valuable gifts we have gained from our losses.  

Impressive Shot

Another amazing unexplainable occurrence.  Out on the golf course for the MGMG tournament last weekend.  Playing a Texas Scramble format.  In a foursome including one of Mike's friends, a cabin neighbour.  The two of them spending much time together over the years.  Including occasionally golfing together on this same course. This young man, a passable golfer, now teeing off at #7, our final hole. Taking his drive with a Nike brand ball.  Pulling the shot, causing the ball to veer off to the left.  Assuming to find it less than a third of the way down this 435 yard fairway, somewhere in the rough.  All four of us searching for quite some time, without any luck.  Finally leaving it, and finishing out that hole.  Then both carts making their way back to the clubhouse to meet up with all the others who had already completed the course.  His sister and I leading the way along the #8 fairway.  Spotting a ball up ahead.  Lying out in plain view.  Driving closer to investigate. Realizing it was a Nike ball!  Doing the math.  Coming up short.  What we were looking at seemed impossible.  Well over 5o0 yards to this spot. At least 150 yards further than a pro would make.  The second cart soon joining us.  The young man confirming it was his ball.  All of us looking at each other, completely dumbfounded.  A sign from Mike to his friend?  One currently going through some personal challenges. The four of us returning to the parking lot.  Sharing our story with fellow golfers.  Trying to comprehend the experience.  Laughing at the playfulness and impressive nature of that event.

Discovering the Courage

In conversation with one of Michael's friends recently.  She also struggling with darkness and suicidal thoughts.  Just as my son had for years.  Genetically predisposed to both depression and addiction.  Then having them triggered by life experiences.  Further aggravated by the stigma and misconceptions still sadly surrounding these issues. Encouraging the keeping of secrets and resulting feelings of shame.  All combining to create trying situations.  Personal challenges. Innumerable versions of these existing in varying degrees for each one of us.  Choosing particular lessons before incarnating.  Leading to opportunities for spiritual growth.  Remembering this assists with discovering the courage required to face the trials.  Enabling one to make advantageous decisions.   Towards a lighter and more joy filled existence.

Taking Stock

Another calendar year drawing to a close.  Opportune time to take stock.  Reflecting on the great changes and challenges that occurred. All allowing for deeper learning and understanding.  About myself, as well as others.  A year rich in loving moments and experiences. Certainly one thoroughly filled with tremendous significance.

Nine Months

Doing the math.  Three quarters of the way through this first year. Anticipating the challenges that still lie ahead.  More birthdays without them, including hers and his.  Celebrating Christmas and New Years. Then Valentine's Day, followed by the one year anniversary.  Mulling over ways to best honour the occasions.  Striving to incorporate love and joy into each of these events.  Providing some balance to the obvious sadness of missing them. 

Struggle or Suffer?

Suffer or struggle?  Two words similar in length each containing four common letters and a double consonant.  They may appear to be interchangeable.  However, when facing challenges, the word we use speaks volumes.  One person describes suffering from a condition.  Another shares that he struggles with it.  Suffering is the victim's word of choice.  One who tolerates the situation.  Allows the power to reside elsewhere.  Struggle implies exerting great effort trying to achieve positive results.  A person of strength.  So much expressed in just one word.

Relationship Contracts

Under sunny skies, I took to the Nature's Trust Reserve trails up near the cabin.  The sweet smell of sagebrush, magnificent views of rolling hills, and the sounds of various bird songs, all contributed to feeling peaceful and serene.  As the dog and I wandered, so did my mind.  I thought about four key relationships I have been engaged in during this lifetime.  It is here where I have been challenged at the deepest level and encouraged to grow.  The first one that came to mind was my relationship with Self.  Being diagnosed with cancer all those years ago, tackling that, and then choosing what to take from it was life changing.  In my Daughter/Father relationship, I was presented with various opportunities for growth, with perhaps still more to come.  Within my Spousal relationship of thirty one years I have been granted numerous occasions for learning.  Finally, there was my Mother/Son relationship which currently consumes most of my thoughts.  It was filled with great joy but also many trying times and intense experiences.  Before I reincarnated, I had made a contract with myself and with each of these souls, to challenge ourselves and each other.  I am thankful that we are honouring these very demanding contracts in order to gain the greatest learning, and I am certain that there is still work to do, otherwise I would not still be here.