Celebrations for Generations

Family and friends, young and old, came out to celebrate my grandson's first birthday yesterday. Such a lucky little boy! Within his extended family, ages ranged from his newest second cousin, born just last month, to the great-grandfather celebrating ninety-one next month. On this day, a snapshot of my grandson's family included his parents, sister, grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. This gathering reminded me that often, when we hear the word family, we think of a fixed group - usually, but not always, consisting of our living relatives. Of course, when we take a moment to consider, we know that family more accurately refers to a fluid group. We understand that family continually shifts with each gain and each loss. 

Leaping far ahead, if it is his destiny, in ninety years my grandson will be the age his great-grandfather is now, and it is quite possible that not one of my grandson's relatives in attendance yesterday will be around. Morbid thought? Not really. The love and support he received from all those attending the party will remain with him, always. And hopefully, all his future celebrations will be just as magnificent as this one was.

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Grandparents' Day

While checking the calendar last week, I noticed that today, the second Sunday in September, is national Grandparents' Day.  I had no idea that we had an official day designated in their honour.  As someone who loves celebrations, I wonder how I missed this since it's been around for almost twenty years.  I also noticed that this year, the holiday would fall on the 7th of the month, coinciding with my monthly Boal Memorial visit.  Connecting the two threads, my thoughts turned from celebrating, to perhaps marking the occasion slightly differently - it would be a fitting day to take my mother-in-law along to visit the setting of Michael's remains, as she had once expressed an interest, but never been.  That thought led me to once again consider the trials of a grieving grandparent.  In addition to having to process the pain of losing a grandchild, there is the added difficulty of bearing witness to their child's pain of grieving the death of their child.  For the most part, the grandparent's experience is endured with very little support.  So for me, this Grandparents' Day will embrace honouring the challenges as well as experiencing the joys of being a grandparent, because "coincidentally", it turns out that I will be spending time with my two little blessings this evening. 

You're Lucky You Don't Have a Son

I love family celebrations and fortunately there have been many, of late. Three birthday parties (including a milestone one for my 90-year-old father-in-law), as well as meals shared over Easter weekend. And coming up, a get-together for Mother's Day. After any family event, I always experience the inevitable emotional letdown of missing my son more acutely, but thankfully, the intensity of this feeling usually dissipates by morning.

Today, however, there are still lingering effects from a celebration that took place over a week ago, due to a comment an extended family member directed at my husband that evening. The words continue to reverberate in my mind, triggering this ache in my heart: "You're lucky you don't have a son." This, from someone who had known Michael. Obviously, it was an off-the-cuff comment; this person certainly did not intend to cause any pain. Still, it is difficult to understand how he could forget that we had had a son. Maybe it occurred to him later, maybe not. Upon reflection, there is the off chance that he hadn't forgotten, but neglected to consider the consequences his words might have. The impact this comment had on my husband and me was twofold: one, the shock upon hearing the words themselves, then the resulting pain, and two, recognizing the stark contrast between these two realities. My husband and I live with this profound loss every single day and yet, for this person, it appears that our son has slipped completely off the radar. And so, it goes. The learning continues.

Timely Death Cafe

When I first heard about Death Cafes on a radio program this past summer, I was intrigued.  Year-round events where strangers meet to discuss this weighty subject over tea and cake.  Over the past few years, these get-togethers have been gaining momentum worldwide.  I am looking forward to my introductory experience with a Death Cafe tomorrow, which is also day one of a two day festival known as Day of the Dead. In cultures where this holiday is recognized, November 1st is dedicated to joyfully celebrating with the souls of children who have passed.  The following day is when deceased adults are welcomed back to join the living in celebrations of life.  Last week, I realized that my book launch happens to fall on the second day of that festival.  Before my son's death, I had given the holiday little thought, but two years ago, during that first November without him, I imagined how supportive it would be to be immersed in a culture that celebrates this.  Then last year, by chance, I was in Sedona for their Day of the Dead festivities.  This year, through serendipity, I again have both days covered - the first will be spent expanding my mind, the second, celebrating a creation born out of death.   

Día de los Muertos

Exactly a year after writing about Día de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) festivities, I happened upon these celebrations in a Mexican area of Sedona, Arizona this week.  With its powerful underlying spiritual energies, this town is an excellent place to experience such a heartfelt event.  Trees adorned with colourful ribbons and flags.  Hundreds of decorative skulls and skeletons prominently displayed.  A number of individuals dressed in ornate costumes wandering amidst musicians and dancers.  Everyone given the opportunity to honour deceased loved ones by placing candles and photos on altars strewn with marigolds and rose petals.  The public invited to paint on a collaborative community mural.  Together creating a vibrant atmosphere filled with love and uplifting energy for all to absorb.  Not without a few tears of course, but rewarded with hearts revived.

Looking Forward

Cold temperatures.  Early snowfall.  Christmas invitations beginning to arrive.  Craft fairs well underway.  Decorations filling shop windows. Propelling me forward into the holiday season.  Anticipating taking in magical outdoor light displays, hearing carols, decorating our home, hosting friends and family.  Purchasing a minimal amount of presents. Preferring to focus on the festivities.  As always, carefully selecting where and when to invest time and energy.  Choosing enjoyment over stress.  Knowing some aspects of the celebrations will look quite different this year.  Looking forward to the season nevertheless. 

Costumes and Fireworks

Hallowe'en.  One of his favourite celebrations.  Even into adulthood. Various costumes over the years.  Clown, pirate, and Mexican in the early years.  Progressing to ghoul, vampire, and devil.  Followed by hockey player, gangster, and assorted others.  Later in his teens, filling his knapsack with fireworks and firecrackers.  Heading up to the park with a friend despite parental warnings.  Not surprisingly, getting everything confiscated by police a short time later.  Then as an adult, creating unique costumes for parties.  Telling me that actually wearing them was usually quite uncomfortable.  Despite the ideas appearing to be such good ones at the time.  Pure Mike.  Diesel always keen to participate as well. Greeting trick-or-treaters while wearing a Hawaiian shirt or sports jersey.  Those two.  They loved having fun.  Hopefully enjoying their existence immensely wherever they are.  Perhaps even making themselves known during the festivities tonight.