Massive Amount of Maternal Energy

     When I awoke yesterday morning, I knew it was going to be a good day. For my belated birthday gift, I would be spending time with my oldest daughter and my granddaughter at a mother/daughter brunch and attending a performance of The Nutcracker ballet. The day began with an unexpected early morning phone call from my aunt in Germany, my mother's only sibling and my last remaining close relative on my mother's side. She still lives on the property where she and my mother were born and where their mother had lived from the time she married until she died. Our infrequent communication consists of a card and perhaps one letter a year, with an occasional phone call every year or two. She was calling with Christmas greetings and to catch up on the goings on of our family.
     An hour after I hung up, I left the house, adorned with the ring and gold bracelet I had inherited from my mother (both of which had been her mother's before that). I had consciously chosen these two pieces to emphasize the multi-generational maternal connection for this particular outing. When I arrived at my daughter's home to pick up the two of them, she told me that I'd never believe what she just found and handed me my mother's drivers license! She had noticed it earlier that morning on the floor amongst the shoes in her closet (around the time I was on the phone with my aunt). It had not been there when she had sorted through the shoe area a short time ago, but now there it was - lying in wait and in full sight. She couldn't even recall ever having it in her possession and thought the only connection might have been that after my mother's death, she may have taken it with her after looking through her Oma's personal items. My mother died in 2002 and my daughter has moved at least a half dozen times since then - uncanny.
     After settling in at the restaurant, while awaiting our meal, I pulled out a tiny notebook enclosed in cello wrapping from my purse, entitled "Great Games: classic pen and pencil games for two players". I had no idea what the inside of the book looked like but the title and cover was promising. I had purchased it early last summer, thinking it might come in handy with the grandchildren while awaiting a ferry or a meal in a restaurant and had been carrying it around unopened in my purse since then. After tearing off the cello wrap, I flipped through the wordless booklet and found it was filled with three versions of patterned pages: 1) graph paper, 2) evenly spaced dots arranged vertically and horizontally, and 3) miniature hexagons. Upon seeing the dotted sheets, I instantly thought of my mother - she used to play the game of Dots and Boxes on this kind of paper with my young children but I had completely forgotten about it until now. I then showed the page to my daughter, asked her who this reminded her of, and she instantly replied, "Oma".
     After enjoying the highly entertaining Nutcracker Ballet, we made our way down to the lobby where I decided to check the time and saw it was 3:15pm. In Germany, which is nine hours ahead, it was already quarter after midnight on December 10th - my Oma's birthday!
     A massive amount of maternal energy appearing over the course of a few hours, connecting my maternal grandmother, my mother, myself, my daughter, and my granddaughter.  A truly unforgettable day in this blessed life of mine.
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Healing Energy for All

     

     Outside of my native Vancouver, the city of Paris lies closest to my heart. I have never lived there but have treasured memories of visiting over the decades. I have always felt a strong connection to everything French, perhaps due, in part, to previous incarnations. The sights, sounds and smells of Paris resonate deeply. Its lively neighbourhoods, magnificent museums, striking architecture, incredible food and lovely public spaces, to say nothing of the beautiful language and passionate people, all contribute to the vibrant pulse of this beloved city.
     So when the tragic news of malicious attacks in Paris erupted on Friday, my heart broke. It broke for the innocent victims. It broke for my beloved city of love and lights. It broke for humanity.
     And later, upon learning that many of the dead had been young people in their twenties and thirties, an added layer of sadness descended over me while thinking of all the mothers and fathers who will have to endure the added grief of losing their child.
     The card I wrote, the flowers I placed, the love I send will not undo the damage done, but with millions of people around the world doing the same, collectively we imprint healing energy on everyone affected, including ourselves. 
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Being Nurtured by Nurturing

                                                   

The need to be nurtured is not something I ever imagined I would be yearning for at this age.  It never occurred to me that a fifty-seven-year-old grandmother could still crave this kind of support.  And yet, I do.  It began the day Michael died, and has not subsided.  At times, I wistfully consider how nice it would be if my mother were still alive, to provide the comfort that only one's mother can.  A few days ago, this subject appeared in a meditation - I saw a huge, bright sphere of orange energy.  I was told that when I nurture others, I am contributing to this collective source of nurturing energy which flows in all directions, and is available for me to draw on for myself as needed. A give and take situation.  Not the same as having my mother physically present, but it will have to do.

Musical Link

Kelly has been on my mind more than usual this past week, thoughts of her permeating the bulk of my days.  Without any corresponding significant date or occasion, I wondered what was going on.  After some consideration, I realized it was possibly due to all the references I had recently come across, regarding a local musician.  I was not familiar with his music but recall comments on Kelly's Facebook page about attending Adam Woodall concerts and how much she enjoyed them.  This week, I came across a magazine article which mentioned a family's summer tradition of inviting that band up for an annual outdoor concert at their cottage.  This family had also known Kelly well, since their daughter had been a very good friend of hers. The day after reading that story, my husband and I were out for coffee and happened upon Adam playing solo at an outdoor plaza.  We listened to his music for close to an hour, with Kelly's smile and effervescent energy infusing the scene.  The following day, I reached out to share my experiences with another one of Kelly's close friends and she mentioned that, in addition to having just spoken to that mutual friend the previous evening, she had also been meaning to contact that band all week, with the idea of hiring them to play at her wedding.  Mystery solved.

Ouija Connection and Consequences

While walking the seawall with one of my daughters recently, she recounted the lingering, uncomfortable consequences a friend of a friend was living with after using a Ouija board.  She described the unsettled energy this person was still experiencing weeks after "playing" with the board.  Since my daughter knew I had had a similar experience (I was in my early thirties, the same age as the person in question), she mentioned it with the hopes that I might be able to offer some support. Partway through this unusual conversation, we ran into an acquaintance of mine, a woman I see, maybe twice a year.  Our children had attended the same preschool over twenty-five years ago, but they had then gone on to attend separate schools.  After reintroducing this woman to my daughter and chitchatting for a couple minutes, we said our goodbyes. As my daughter and I resumed our walk, it suddenly occurred to me that this particular acquaintance was the one who had brought her Ouija board to our women's weekend away, which led to my profound experience with this questionable tool. Talk about uncanny timing!  All those years ago, we had thought it was just a game, but later realized it was nothing of the kind.  It had taken a couple of months of investigation and various remedies for me to finally feel like myself again.  Thankfully, today I was able to put the young woman in touch with a highly regarded healer who will help restore her to a positive state.  Fun and games, the Ouija board is not.      

Love is in the Air

Love is in the air. Last weekend, Kelly's oldest brother announced his engagement, the first of her siblings to do so. Five days later, Kelly's best friend and her fiancé won a dream wedding package, due in part to the overwhelming vote of support from community. Kelly had met both prospective partners before she passed and is surely beyond thrilled that these two couples are now making plans to marry. Undoubtedly, her loving energy will make its unmistakable presence known at these upcoming weddings. Such is the power of spirit.

Soul Connection

Today, I consider an elderly relative, one I have been close to most of my life.  Sadly, she does not believe that love exists.  When she first made a point of telling me so, many years ago, I was unable to understand her perspective. It was quite some time before I realized that her difficult, formative years were likely instrumental in creating this mindset.  The concept of love was subsequently at the core of an enormous disagreement between us, occurring just days before my son's death. Then a few months ago, she abruptly cut off all communication with me, without explanation.  I do not understand.  What I do know is that regardless of how our earthly relationship plays out this time around, we have a deep soul connection, and eventually, all will be revealed. In the meantime, one aha moment of mine was making this association: if one's mind is closed to the possibility of love's existence, it would be nearly impossible to recognize its presence. I continue to send her loving energy. Undoubtedly, her soul recognizes and embraces it.

Gift from the Heart

While walking along a local trail, I noticed a huge, heart-shaped scar midway up a tree trunk, near the forest's edge.  This heart likely marking the spot where, years ago, a large branch had broken off.  It made me smile. Hearts can be found in the most unlikely places.  It got me thinking about Valentine's Day, which led me to consider how we might celebrate this upcoming ♥ day together, regardless of whether or not we exchange gifts of flowers, chocolate, jewellery, or cards. Perhaps each one of us could take a few minutes to celebrate our innate ♥ energy.  Close our eyes.  Focus on our heart.  Breathe slowly and deeply into our heart chakra.  Feel the space expand.  Visualize the pink energy emanating in all directions, sending waves upon waves of it towards everyone and everything.  This is a Valentine's Day gift which will uplift us all.   We can begin practising now.

Loving Message Received

While lying on a mat, stretching out after boot camp this morning, I considered my next stop - visiting Boal Memorial, to place flowers and a balloon in honour of Michael's birthday.  Gazing at the ceiling, I was drawn to one of the pot lights mounted up there.  As I continued staring at it, I felt my connection with the bright light building.  I sensed the strong beam that existed between the light fixture and I.  Soon, the energy filled my entire being.  Underlying that sensation was the awareness that my son was using this moment to show me that our energetic connection remains unbroken.  Such a loving message received on a sweat-stained gym floor.

Many Blessings

Our little home performed admirably for our annual Christmas Eve celebration, a gathering of my brother's family and mine.  Thirteen of us seated around the dining room table, enjoying our traditional German meal by candlelight.  The dynamics of this group continually changing. This year, three little ones all under three graced us with their sweet energy.  Two other little souls patiently waiting in the wings.  Spirits of loved ones now passed infusing our evening, as well.  This Christmas Day I am counting my blessings, of which there are many.

Powerful Antidote

Another rewarding evening spent at the International Spiritualist Alliance.  Only a small number of us showed up for the open circle session to practice our connection with spirit.  This resulted in a great deal of hands-on experience for all.  It began with a guided meditation to help ground and prepare us.  This was followed by energy work in the form of expanding auras, sensing spirit, and giving psychometry readings.  We closed with a lengthy healing meditation sending energy to those within the room, as well as to people in our greater community who could also benefit.  The evening served as a powerful antidote to the challenging energy I had encountered earlier in the day.  How grateful am I?  Very.  

A Wonderful World

I had not attended a yoga class for some time, opting to practice poses at home instead.  Finally, this afternoon, I got myself to a Yin class, and I am so glad I did.  Another cold and dreary week had taken its toll on me, both physically and emotionally, and I knew that getting out to a studio would help improve my energy level and disposition - it always does.  Midway through the class, while lying in a meditative state in the deep hip-opening Swan pose, I began sending pink energy out into the room.  Moments later, in my mind's eye, I saw yellow and orange energy waves join in.  The three colours formed a mini rainbow, which was pulsating this beautiful loving energy throughout the space.  The background music thus far had been made up of the soothing instrumentals and calm melodic chantings typically heard during such classes.  Suddenly, while still holding this difficult and uncomfortable pose, Israel Kamakawiwo'ole's rendition of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World" began playing over the speakers. It took but a second to put two and two together.  This song, referencing colours of the rainbow and the beauty in the world, was one of the three that played during Michael's memorial service.  Now, love and gratitude washed through me and infused my entire being.  I am fairly certain that during the thirty plus years of attending yoga classes in various studios, I have not once heard this song play.  When the song ended, the music reverted to instrumentals and chanting, but for the balance of the class, then into the evening, the deep feelings of love and gratitude remained.  What a wonderful world.

Expanding Perceptions

It had been months since I last took part in an ISA evening, and was therefore keen to go earlier this week.  The thirteen of us in attendance placed our chairs in a circle, and participated in a group meditation. Familiar images and concepts appeared in my mind's eye, including: the infinity symbol; vibrant pink and gold energy; the inescapable link between love and pain.  An entirely new experience also awaited me, related to all of the above.   I noticed an androgynous energy-being, appearing as an opaque white light with elongated head and limbs, standing behind me. After resting its hands on my shoulders for a while, it moved around to face me.  Soon, I became aware that my gold locket, containing photos of Michael and Kelly, was gently swinging back and forth.  At first, I felt confused, but that confusion quickly turned to astonishment when I realized that the light-being was physically moving my piece of jewellery!  I acknowledged this act with gratitude, thanking the being for enabling me to have  another magnificent spiritual experience.  By staying open to possibilities, my perceptions of existence continue to expand.

Supportive Energy

Our time in Sedona was coming to an end, and we had yet to explore the most photographed landscape in the region, that of Red Rock Crossing, adjacent to Cathedral Rock.  So, after parking the car, we followed the path along Oak Creek to Buddha Beach, where we came across hundreds of rock cairns -  on the forest floor, atop tree branches, on fallen logs, and out in the creek bed.  Red, beige, grey, and orange stones, in varying shapes and sizes, artfully balancing upon each other.  Wandering among them, I was inspired to try my hand at it.  Initially, I considered the idea of creating representations of my three children.  However, after picking up a round, grey rock, I realized I was forming a mother figure instead.  Complete with a heart-shaped stone balancing in her centre.  Then, leaving this gallery of love behind, we made our way over to the huge, red rock slab.  For my husband and I, this was the final one of the four Sedona vortexes left to experience.  Sites that are said to contain concentrated spiritual energy, each with specific energetic attributes described as masculine, feminine, or a combination of both.  After enjoying a simple picnic there, we decided it was time to open the sealed envelope we had been carrying around in our knapsack.  It had been given to me by one of Michael's friends the last time I was home.  She explained that she had hosted a New Year's Eve party in 1999 for a group of her thirteen-year-old friends.  They had each completed, then sealed, their own time capsule questionnaire, then left them at her home, to be opened together during their 2004 graduation year.  However, this project lay dormant until the envelopes were discovered this fall.  Now, in this peaceful space, my husband and I tugged open the flap of the one our son had signed, Mike G's.  Both of us silently reading the contents, beginning with the instruction at the top: Answer truthfully....no one will read this but you.  Going on to discover the words he chose to describe his life in that moment, as well as predictions of what may be.  Another priceless connection, thanks to the thoughtfulness of this friend.  After returning to our vehicle, I was curious about the nature of this particular vortex.  I was not surprised to read it was the only one with solely feminine energy.  Of course it was.

Diluted Experiences

Sharing a meal with family.  Sipping coffee with a friend.  Walking the dog.  Spending time at the playground with a child.  Out on a date with a lover.  Various scenarios offering invaluable possibilities for meaningful connection and engagement.  In the course of a day, observing individuals in each of these situations opting to dilute the experiences.  Choosing to direct energy and attention to lengthy cell phone communication with others instead.  Distracting them from the gift of the here and now.  Leaving me to wonder if they would consider taking up the challenge of being fully present.  Putting down the phone during those precious moments.  Embracing the opportunity to pick up their life instead.

Colourful Confirmation

I am one of the fortunate.  Able to avail myself of the healthful benefits associated with massage therapy.  Luxuriating in the stress release and deep relaxation of this self care treatment.  My latest session leaving me feeling even more grateful than usual.  After completing an hour of hands-on treatment, the therapist spontaneously deciding to spend extra time engaging in energy work.  Gently moving her hands around my head, without physically touching me.  With my eyes closed, soon noticing a rectangular, round-cornered gemstone hovering in the vicinity of my third eye.  Appearing in the palest shade of blue possible, just shy of being white.  It eventually fading, only to be replaced with a jewel of equal size and shape, but tinted rich ruby red.  Thereafter, in smooth succession, each gem disappearing, with a new one emerging in yet another spectacular colour.  From deepest orange through brilliant yellow, vivid emerald green, cool sapphire, vibrant indigo, and lastly, to peaceful violet.  An extraordinary display.  After dressing, eagerly describing this magical experience to the practitioner.  While speaking, suddenly recognizing all the traditional chakra colours.  The first image containing all the colours, appearing almost white.  Then the seven representing root to crown, following sequentially.  She now explaining the silent intention she had set for the additional healing work.  That of concentrating specifically on the chakras.  Choosing this theme for a client only once or twice before in all these years.  This unexpected result pleasantly surprising the two of us.  Both in awe of receiving such colourful confirmation of predominantly unseen energy.

Taking Flight

Spending the day at the cabin alone.  Finishing up some chores.  Then relaxing in the sun.  Basking in the loving energy of the weekend. Feeling its imprint upon this space.  At its peak, seventy-one of us gathering to share old memories.  Creating many new ones as well. The last of the group leaving this morning.  Those baby birds who had been chirping in the birdhouse all weekend deciding it was time as well. Taking their first flight this afternoon.  Embarking on the next experience before them.  Leaving the comfort and safety of the nest behind.

We ♥ U

Driving up to the cabin again.  Only our second time this year.  That familiar underlying apprehension gaining momentum while nearing Princeton.  Then rounding that bend.  Approaching the cross.  Spotting huge bursts of colour around the base.  Curiosity quickly replacing the anxiety.  Drawing closer to see a multitude of brilliant silk flowers. What a magnificent surprise.  Stopping the car to take it all in.  Various shades of yellow, blue, pink, orange, red, and purple.  Artfully arranged blossoms around a purple and yellow hand painted sign.  We ♥ U Kelly + Mike.  Their friend creating a lasting expression of her feelings.  Not Rest in Peace or You are Missed.  Choosing to focus on love instead.  Uplifting energy to counter some of the sadness.  The ripple effect of this heartfelt gesture impacting others.  The two of us turning to smile at each other.  And carrying on with lighter hearts.

I'm Right Here

Enjoying a dynamic conversation with a young woman recently. Someone I had never spoken to.  She initiating the contact.  Calling me after receiving prompting by spirit.  Not personally acquainted with Michael or Kelly before they passed.  Only hearing of their existence from a friend.  Now on the phone with me, relaying experiences of spirit connection.  The first occurring on the eve of the memorial golf tournament last June.  Spending the night with two friends.  Sleeping in a home with a connection to Kelly.  Waking to her legs being shaken.  With powerful energy.  Sitting up and noticing a young man standing at the foot of the bed.  Hearing him say, "I'm right here." Observing a young woman quietly standing nearby.  Understanding she was seeing Mike and Kelly.  People she had never met.  In the morning, discussing it with friends who had known the two.  Receiving confirmation about what she had surmised.  A second incident occurring last week.  A voice suggesting, "You need to talk to my mom." Again recognizing Mike.  Unsure of the reason behind the advise. Listening to her intuition.  Following through.  Not long into our conversation, understanding why.  Later, conveying a related incident to her.  Describing the experience my husband had around that time last year.  Being roused from his sleep.  By a voice speaking those exact same three words.  "I'm right here."  Feeling his son standing at the foot of the bed!  All of these occurrences showing further evidence of eternal existence.  These individuals open to experiencing it.  In love and light. 

Emotional Tasks

Tasks relating to Michael's life continuing to weave their way through mine.  More than a year after his passing.  Finding a new home for his prized mountain bike.  Check.  Collecting and submitting his final income tax return.  Check.  As a group, completing the puzzle he and Kelly had begun.  Check.  None of these undertakings particularly daunting, yet a significant emotional charge accompanying each one. Processing them on a visceral level.  Calling for another expenditure of emotional energy.  The reserves of which still running low.  And so it goes.