The Weather Gods Come Out to Play

Today, we awoke to a beautiful fall morning - cool and sunny, with a few clouds thrown in for added interest.  My husband had planned on spending the bulk of this day prepping for a dinner party we are hosting this evening, but when I returned from my run in the canyon, he was up the ladder installing the outdoor Christmas lights.  I joked that this was a first - he normally waits til it's cold and sleeting to do this job.  He replied that he had decided to take advantage of the great weather and asked if I could help.  While holding the strands of lights for him, I looked up to the sky and saw two magnificent eagles flying overhead - they were out enjoying this perfect fall day as well.  A minute later, I felt a light drizzle, even though there was blue sky above us. That drizzle soon turned to hail, along with a noticeable drop in temperature. I burst out laughing - there was no mention of hail in today's weather forecast.  It seemed that the weather gods were playing a joke on us.  Within five minutes, the silliness had stopped and the sun was out, once again. Unexpected moments of joy - they're the best.

Loving Support

Trimming the little tree with my family at Boal Memorial yesterday morning, experiencing the intense highs and lows of love.  Ever grateful for traditions such as this, which serve to anchor me.  Mindfully breathing deeply into my heart to balance what is here, and what is not. Lighting the candles and cuddling the baby.  Six of us singing an enthusiastic rendition of "O Tannenbaum."  Laughing as we stumbled through the lyrics.  In my mind's eye, through all of this, seeing Michael and Kelly working hard in the unseen, offering comfort to the newest little angels who have just arrived.  Embracing them with loving arms, helping them settle into that space where souls meet.  Together, all of us supporting one another with love.

Impressive Shot

Another amazing unexplainable occurrence.  Out on the golf course for the MGMG tournament last weekend.  Playing a Texas Scramble format.  In a foursome including one of Mike's friends, a cabin neighbour.  The two of them spending much time together over the years.  Including occasionally golfing together on this same course. This young man, a passable golfer, now teeing off at #7, our final hole. Taking his drive with a Nike brand ball.  Pulling the shot, causing the ball to veer off to the left.  Assuming to find it less than a third of the way down this 435 yard fairway, somewhere in the rough.  All four of us searching for quite some time, without any luck.  Finally leaving it, and finishing out that hole.  Then both carts making their way back to the clubhouse to meet up with all the others who had already completed the course.  His sister and I leading the way along the #8 fairway.  Spotting a ball up ahead.  Lying out in plain view.  Driving closer to investigate. Realizing it was a Nike ball!  Doing the math.  Coming up short.  What we were looking at seemed impossible.  Well over 5o0 yards to this spot. At least 150 yards further than a pro would make.  The second cart soon joining us.  The young man confirming it was his ball.  All of us looking at each other, completely dumbfounded.  A sign from Mike to his friend?  One currently going through some personal challenges. The four of us returning to the parking lot.  Sharing our story with fellow golfers.  Trying to comprehend the experience.  Laughing at the playfulness and impressive nature of that event.

Immense Resolve

Such immense resolve required in order to stay the course.  The amount of energy expended while doing so, extraordinary.  That proverbial rug so often getting pulled right out from under me.  Without any warning. Last Friday afternoon.  The day before an already emotionally charged weekend.  An envelope from the Ministry of Public Safety arriving in the mail.  Discovering a cover letter inside, along with the official Coroner's Report.  Including numerous details.  Time of Death.  Cause of Death. By What Means.  And more.  Black and white reminder of the harsh reality.  A formal version of events.  Not much in the way of new information.  Thankfully.  Moments later, the phone ringing.  My husband calling to say he would be working a little late.  Telling him about the letter.  He spontaneously responding with morbid humour. "He's probably still dead."  Leaving me laughing and crying.  Truly exhausting.

Shifting Moments

How quickly it still shifts from moment to moment.  Awaking Friday morning to a magnificent sunrise.  Contrasting greatly with the storm of the previous day.  Strolling in the sunshine along the rocky seashore. Chatting and laughing with a friend and her dog.  Grateful for the change of scenery and distractions.  Upon returning to the cottage, checking my computer.  Noticing a posting made minutes earlier.  A photo of Michael.  Standing beside the ocean, arms stretched out wide. Taken days before he died.  One I have seen before.  Now catching me completely off guard.   This scene a perfect match to the one I had just been experiencing.  A second uploaded image showing a necklace his aunt had created  for herself in his memory.   Incorporating a heart and a star.  This, my first glimpse of it.  Both pictures instantly transporting me from a sense of peace and lightness to one of heart piercing sadness. Tears falling.  Breathing through it.  Then moving on with the day. Enjoying an afternoon with more laughter and conversation.  A short drive and ferry ride later, arriving home with a sense of contentment. Noticing the stack of unopened mail.  Tearing open a large envelope addressed to me.  Reading the enclosed letter from one of Michael's and Kelly's high school teachers.  One who is also living in this community. Sharing her condolences, as well as some memories.  Resulting in further emotions to process.  More tears.  In both cases, greatly appreciating that others continue to think about him.  Making the effort to share that.   As difficult as it is being in the feelings these pictures and words evoke, I am thankful for the communication.  Helping me feel connected and supported.  This ongoing roller-coaster ride.

Illuminating Visit

Invited to their townhouse to share an evening meal.  A visit with extended family.  Enjoying tasty appetizers in the living room.  Then taking our seats around their dining room table.  Beneath the glistening chandelier.  Chatting, eating, and laughing together.   Halfway through, mentioning Michael's name.  Prompted by the topic of conversation.  The light bulbs above instantly beginning a flickering dance. This chandelier once again showing us that his energy was there.  My daughter and I making eye contact.  The five of us in awe.  Big smiles all around.  Gratefully witnessing it first hand.  The oscillating bulbs indicating his obvious presence for close to half an hour.  Then settling back down into a steady glow.  Lingering over desert.  Once again reassured of his continued existence.  So thankful for his illuminating visit!  

Sparkling Chandelier

A few days ago, one of my daughters stopped by and with a grin on her face announced, “Guess who came over to my place last night?"  “Who?” I inquired. “Mike and Kelly!” she answered. With a huge smile on her face, she proceeded to fill me in.  A good friend had been invited over to her place for a visit.  Just the two of them spending an evening together.  The songs from Mike’s service playing in the background.  Conversation soon turning to spiritual beliefs and the afterlife.  Discussing the book, “The Five People You Meet in Heaven”. The idea that when it’s your time, it’s your time.  My daughter reiterating that energy continues to exist as energy.  It does not die.  And that for her, this made it all somewhat easier to bear. In that moment, the chandelier hanging above them caught their attention.  The intensity of the light in the bulbs began fluctuating wildly.  Brighter, dimmer. Continuously moving from one to the other.  “Sparkling” was the word she used. Both women could feel the very playful, humorous and loving energy in the room and instantly knew who was behind this.  They burst out laughing as they toasted Mike and Kelly’s presence. Twenty minutes later, it had all settled down.  A powerful experience that some may have found upsetting. These two however, reassured that our loved ones spirits are very much present in our lives. 

Soothing Seashore

Exploring the vibrant seashore.  Breathing in that invigorating ocean air.  Smiling at the puffins as they fly overhead.   Enchanted by the colourful sea stars and recalling that connection to a previous meditation.  Absorbing the soothing energy of the rolling waves.  Hand in hand, we amble barefoot along the beach, laughing as we create the sounds of barking sands.  Later, resting in adirondack chairs side by side, watching the world go by.  Every cell in my body feeling deeply relaxed.  So fortunate to be able to pass the time this way.  Being in the moment, together.