Holding the Pieces Together

Over the past few weeks, as I occasionally considered the approaching second anniversary of Michael's death, I noticed that my feelings of dread were not as overwhelming as they were last year, and for that I was grateful.  Then suddenly, this morning, I hit the emotional wall.  I had set aside time to unpack a few more boxes and clean the house in preparation for our family dinner tomorrow.  I was missing him terribly, so during the housework, I decided to blast the music that had played at his service.  I had not heard this CD for the better part of a year.  A few songs in, over the noisy vacuum cleaner, I was startled by a shattering noise.  When I looked over to where the sound had come from, I saw one of the glass candle holders from the top shelf lying broken on the floor, reduced to shattered fragments.  It had been one of a matching pair given to me a few months after the tragedy - one honouring Michael and the other for Kelly.  I picked up the remains of the base, and even before I turned it over to check the initial on the bottom, I knew it would be an M.  That is when the floodgates opened. When I tried to make sense of what had happened, I realized that the music speaker was on a lower shelf and the vibration must have shaken the one candle holder off.  Was it an accident or something more?  It was definitely a reflection of the shattered feelings I was experiencing. Tomorrow I plan on going to yoga, then babysitting my granddaughter, followed by spending time with my family.  This will all contribute in helping to hold my pieces together.

Glorious Beginning

Ensconced on the lanai, morning coffee in hand.  Embraced by the warmth and humidity.  Awakened by nature's alarm clock moments earlier.  A variety of bird songs rousing me from my sleep.  Ranging greatly in pitch and intensity.  Before me, grand palms framing a serene ocean view.  Bougainvillea and plumeria blossoms contributing vibrant bursts of colour along with fragrance to the scene.  Glorious way to begin a day.  

Michael Makes an Appearance

Showing himself last night.  For the first time, appearing to me in a dream.  Wherein a dozen of his friends were gathering on the grass in front of our home.  Male and female.  Soon following me inside. Making their way into the living room.  Joining hands to form a circle. Supporting each other.  Me, proceeding into the kitchen alone.  Seeing my son standing there.  Wearing jeans and a long sleeved pale pink shirt.  Looking just as he had before he passed.  My mind instantly processing that his friends were unable to see him.  Then picking up on his thoughts.  Sensing the pride he was feeling for all of them helping each other through this ordeal.  Such a powerful dream leaving me deeply moved.  This morning, speaking to one of his sisters.  She describing her evening at the townhouse last night.  Baking banana bread while listening to songs that reminded her of Mike.  Later, together with her husband in the living room, watching the slide show that had played at his service.  Suddenly distracted by an intense white ball of light hovering in the kitchen.  The size of a grapefruit.  Seconds later, seeing it explode, filling the entire room with a brilliant flash of light. Then disappearing.  Same evening.  Same rooms involved.  Two completely different events.  Very likely related.  Both of us feeling connected and thankful today.