Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Holding the Pieces Together
Over the past few weeks, as I occasionally considered the approaching second anniversary of Michael's death, I noticed that my feelings of dread were not as overwhelming as they were last year, and for that I was grateful. Then suddenly, this morning, I hit the emotional wall. I had set aside time to unpack a few more boxes and clean the house in preparation for our family dinner tomorrow. I was missing him terribly, so during the housework, I decided to blast the music that had played at his service. I had not heard this CD for the better part of a year. A few songs in, over the noisy vacuum cleaner, I was startled by a shattering noise. When I looked over to where the sound had come from, I saw one of the glass candle holders from the top shelf lying broken on the floor, reduced to shattered fragments. It had been one of a matching pair given to me a few months after the tragedy - one honouring Michael and the other for Kelly. I picked up the remains of the base, and even before I turned it over to check the initial on the bottom, I knew it would be an M. That is when the floodgates opened. When I tried to make sense of what had happened, I realized that the music speaker was on a lower shelf and the vibration must have shaken the one candle holder off. Was it an accident or something more? It was definitely a reflection of the shattered feelings I was experiencing. Tomorrow I plan on going to yoga, then babysitting my granddaughter, followed by spending time with my family. This will all contribute in helping to hold my pieces together.