An Emotional Puzzle

Peeking out from under the huge armchair in the den.  The front edge of a large framed canvas.  Supporting hundreds of puzzle pieces.  Half of them connected to each other.   The remainder still waiting to be directed to their rightful places.  A pastime Michael engaged in last winter while convalescing after another shoulder surgery.  Kelly working on this with him.  Keeping him company.  Finding it curious that this incomplete project remains there.  Right where they left it.  For someone who thrives in a neat and orderly environment as I do, this seems to be an odd choice.  Usually storing or disposing of unused items with efficiency.  Packing up and donating his clothes.  Cleaning out his room.  All dealt with in a timely fashion.  Today however, still unwilling to return those pieces to their box.  Obviously representing something more.  Perhaps reminding me of the simple activities they enjoyed together.  Clearly understanding it cannot reside there forever. Possibly completing this project together after a family dinner one day. Not wishing to tackle this alone.  Not yet. 

Michael's Reccurring Dream

When my son was nine years old, he shared this very powerful reccurring dream with me.  In it, our family is standing on the grassy banks of a river running through a valley, with Michael and I on one side and Bob, Kate and Stephanie on the other.  We all jump in and start swimming downstream, where the river becomes increasingly stronger with rapids up ahead.  "Hold on to that rock over there Michael", I call out.  At this point he and I are still swimming on our side of the river with the others across from us.  He misses the rock that I'm now holding onto, while Bob and the girls head to shore.  Michael continues down the river alone, ending up in a whirlpool, getting spun around and pushed down to the bottom of the river, dying.  At this point he wakes up from the dream.  The river symbolized his spiritual path. My interpretation of this dream at the time was that even though he was part of a close and loving family, ultimately he was alone on this journey of life with difficult times ahead. That dream proved to be very prophetic.

Alone or Oneness?

As I was jogging through the forest this weekend, I was struck by two opposing concepts of human existence - being Alone versus Oneness. A common expression I've heard many times and used myself is, "We come into this world alone and we die alone." The other concept which I have experienced many times is that of Oneness, and the understanding that there is no separation between any of us. How could both of these ideas be true? Then I realized that up until that moment, I had unconsciously accepted both to be true without questioning how that could be so. Upon further reflection I understood that the first one, that of each of us being alone in the world, is how we see ourselves if we are Ego based. The second concept, that of understanding that we are all One, is how we understand it to be if we are Spiritually based. Having experienced that aha moment, I now recognize that I am firmly in the Oneness camp and can release the notion that I am Alone as it no longer fits my understanding of life.