Significant Birthdays and Unexpected Gifts

 

     This week of significant birthdays, along with unexpected gifts, began with my mother's birthday on January 4th. Were she still living she would now be eighty-one years old. Looking to buy flowers for her memorial bench, and with the local shop where I usually bought them now closed, I stopped in at another neighbourhood store where I had see flowers for sale in the past. When I asked the clerk where they were, she told me they no longer carry cut flowers but that they still had some potted white poinsettias, then offered to give me one, no charge. As I approached the till, she insisted I take two, explaining that the bench would look much nicer that way. Such a thoughtful gift!
     Wednesday, I showed up for my weekly boot camp group class to discover that I was the only participant, and as a result, received the gift of a one-hour private session at the drop-in price. So lucky!
     Thursday, I stopped by an outdoor equipment store and when I arrived at the checkout, noticed a promotion - for each pair of snowshoes purchased, the buyer would receive a free snowshoe ticket valid for the Callaghan trails, an area I've never explored. I had given my husband snowshoes for Christmas and when I explained this to the cashier, he was happy to honour the promo. Sweet gift!
     Today is my son's birthday. He would be thirty, were he still here. This morning, I will be meeting up with a friend who also lives with the experience of losing a child. The gift of support from someone who understands. This evening, our family will gather for dinner at The Old Spaghetti Factory, as we have every January 8th since Michael died. The gift of each other as we carry on to the best of our abilities without our funny, loving, handsome guy.
     This week finishes out with my best friend's 60th birthday tomorrow. We will be celebrating a woman who has been an integral part of my life for close to forty years. A sister to me, an aunt to my children. The gift of a relationship I cannot imagine living without. Most precious, worth its weight in gold.
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Riding it Out

Not surprisingly, I find this to be a difficult time of the year. The anxiety begins to build before Christmas, carries on through the New Year's festivities, then follows me into this week, as well. Today is the 7th of the month, the day I routinely visit Boal Memorial with fresh flowers. In addition, in honour of Michael's birthday tomorrow, I had also brought along a balloon. The January visit also always involves packing up the little Christmas tree we decorate there in December.

Creating a gratitude list (it's a long one), practicing yoga, engaging in exercise, having family time, and reminding myself that living with challenges is part and parcel of being alive - none of these strategies completely relieve the sensation of constantly feeling slightly sick to my stomach during this time. However, after tomorrow, there will be a reprieve of sorts, and for that I am thankful. Until then, I will continue to ride it out. Tomorrow evening, our family will celebrate Michael's birthday with stories and laughs at The Old Spaghetti Factory, as we do each year. This time, when I called to make the reservation, I mentioned that it would be a birthday dinner. No doubt Michael had a good laugh at that, picturing us explaining to the staff that the birthday boy is indeed with us, but happens to be invisible. Oh Mikey, what a ride.
Image: LBD Group

Sharing Laughs

Reading "Zits" comic strip in the Sunday funnies yesterday.  The one cartoon Michael and I regularly shared laughs over.  Right til the end. Both of us recognizing our mother/son relationship so accurately mirrored there.  First frame, dated January 8, 2012.  Mother on the phone.  "Hello Olive Garden? I'd like to make a reservation for three for my son's birthday."  This story concluding with the teenage son making last minute changes to the plans.  Leaving his mom banging her head against the wall.  Really?  Same birthday???  Immediately recognizing this sign from my witty son.  Still sharing laughs.  Offering up humour to lighten the load.  Our family and two friends later marking Michael's birthday at The Old Spaghetti Factory.  The idea leaping in a couple of months ago.  This inexpensive restaurant with its lively energy always his first pick for a dinner out.  Our group acknowledging the significance of this day with stories and laughter over a meal.  Helping to take the edge of an extremely difficult occasion.