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Rather than celebrating just the one day, this year I enjoyed an entire week of Mother's Day celebrations. Some were pre-planned events, others, spontaneous. I was able to keep chores, errands, and shoulds to a minimum, then upped the self-care, pampering quotient. Adding in decadent activities that I would generally spread out over the course of many months, made for an incredible Mother's Day week.
Monday: boot camp followed by an hour-long massage
Tuesday: hanging out with my precious grandkids
Wednesday: seabus excursion with my granddaughter, exploring public art downtown and introducing her to drinking chocolate
Thursday: forest run, then lunch out with my older daughter and granddaughter, followed by a mani/pedi
Friday: rainy hike in the canyon with a neighbour, followed by a facial and a little shopping
Saturday: home yoga practice to the music of 'Jesus Christ Superstar', then dinner at the home of long time friends
Sunday: morning walk with my husband, followed by late lunch with my younger daughter
Seven luxurious days, including loads of one-on-one time with family. Pure bliss. I am extremely thankful to have enjoyed such an indulgent week. It definitely made it easier to bear the absence of my son today, and my well has been refilled.
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After spending a few hours playing with Kennedy, as well as cuddling her, feeding her, bathing her, and kissing her a thousand times over, here I sit, writing in my daughter's home. Happily babysitting. The only sounds, other than the clicking of the keyboard, are ones of breathing. Here in the family room, mine, and those of the two dogs curled up on their cushions before me. Via the baby monitor, those my granddaughter makes while sleeping upstairs in her crib. Feeling blessed to be passing my Saturday night this way. With a full heart, experiencing life's most pure and precious moments. Smiling as I consider how amusing it would be trying to explain this to my younger self.
A moment infused with tranquility and contentment. Across the lake, early morning sunlight streams onto the hillside. Mesmerized by the magnificence. Another day full of possibilities and potential. In this beauty, the tears fall. My body expressing the layer of grief that can only be processed on the physical level. Regardless of time spent intellectualizing the situation or focusing on the spiritual aspect, there is energy still needing to be released. This not negating the presence of the glorious day before me. Pure and simple.
During a guided meditation at the ISA (International Spiritual Alliance) last night, I had a very beautiful experience. The facilitator's voice had led us each to our own bench, then left us in silence to see and feel what was waiting there. As I approached my bench, I noticed that it was made of tiny white feathers ( like those I had seen the day before the accident), and I immediately realized how comfortable it would feel to sit there. As soon as I did, I noticed that Michael was sitting beside me to my right, Kelly was sitting to my left, and Diesel was at my feet gazing up at me. As I looked from one to the other, I could feel the pure and peaceful energy of all three. Then with his big smile, Michael leaned over and told me he had known ahead of time that I would be able to handle this, and that was why he and I were having this experience of a mother losing a child. I understood exactly what he meant and knew it to be true. A few moments later, in a voice filled with kindness and love, he told me that now I didn't need to take care of them any more. At first I was surprised, but then recognized the truth of those words. After the facilitator's voice brought us back to the room, I was left with the reminder that it is all unfolding exactly as it should, and that one day I too will return to pure spirit form again.
