Fish Out of Water

At times, verbalizing the loss leaves me struggling to breathe.  Straining to fill my lungs with oxygen.  Imagining a fish would feel this way, if plucked from the sea, then tossed ashore.  Undergoing this sense of insufficient intake of life sustaining fuel.  Experiencing it particularly when speaking to a very close friend or loved one about the impact of his death.  When acknowledging aloud that the space he held in our family has lost its density.  My reaction indicating there is still much left to release from within.  Even after spending hundreds upon hundreds of hours writing about it.  Thinking about it.  Talking about it. Connecting with spirit about it.  The journey continues.  There is no shortcut.    

Inspired Writing

Writing these daily entries for exactly one year now.  Accepting the challenge my Oma's spirit lovingly presented.  Never imagining how meaningful this endeavour would become.  Certainly not creating this all on my own.  Continuing to receive inspiration from the unseen. Enabling me to receive support and encouragement from caring individuals in over seventy countries.  Grateful to each and every one. 

Promising Year

A year filled with promise and adventure.  Becoming a grandmother, travelling, and continuing to write.  Looking forward to many rewarding times ahead.  Embracing further change.  Without that intense spiking energy present this time last year.  Sensing a lighter, less dense quality to the beginning of 2012. 

Connecting the Dots

Reflecting on some of the key events that led to the existence of this online diary.  Connecting all the dots.  Winning that trip to Mazatlan which required my daily posts on a promotional blog during the first week of January this year.  Describing the smorgasbord of experiences encountered there.  Blogging.  Something I had never done before.  An amazing opportunity.  Then, a month later.  The first week of February.  With prompting from my paternal grandmother's spirit, I committed to posting five days a week on my own blog.  Assuming at the time that the each entry might take thirty minutes or so.  Soon realizing that it took a couple of hours a day. Before long, the first week of March had arrived.  During which an accident occurred that would take their lives.  And change mine forever.  More than six months have passed since that first entry entitled "It's Just a Life".  Now, writing closer to three hours a day.  Spending many more playing with the possible concepts and themes.  Gaining clarity and awareness in the middle of the night.  Rising every morning, inspired to write.  Engrossed in the process.  Recognizing how much it nourishes me.  Curious to see where it leads.  This, the monumental gain from that tragic loss.

Grandmother's Advice from Spirit

Why a blog? Why now? I had been told by intuitives many times over the past few years that I should be writing.  Each time I heard it, I assumed that they were referring to the writing of a book and in preparation, I had started rereading the journals I had been keeping for most of my life, paying particular attention to the times I experienced spiritual and intuitive moments.  However, the idea of writing a book didn't really resonate with me at all.  It never occurred to me that the actual entries I was making in my journals were the writing these seers may have been referring to. Then exactly four weeks ago today, I attended an evening of mediumship at the International Spiritual Alliance and during that session, my paternal grandmother came through. She was holding out a basket filled with laundry and the message was that I had a "laundry basket full of choices" available to me, with freedom that she hadn't had in her lifetime.  She went on to say that she knew how overwhelmed I was feeling because I had so many  possibilities to chose from. That accurately described the last couple of years for me - I so had many ideas swirling around in my head, but wasn't taking action on any.  She then told me to act on just one or two of those ideas this year, that it was now time to choose, and if they failed to work out, it would be no big deal.  The key was for me to take action now.  She reminded me that I have connection to spirit, just as she did.  After showing herself holding me by the hand, I was told how much she loved me, and then she was gone.   Well, I took those words to heart and I committed to daily postings on this blog, the site and title of which I had actually set up almost two years ago but never posted a single word.   I am so grateful to my grandmother for coming through and giving me the loving push I needed to send me on my way.