Connecting the Dots

Reflecting on some of the key events that led to the existence of this online diary.  Connecting all the dots.  Winning that trip to Mazatlan which required my daily posts on a promotional blog during the first week of January this year.  Describing the smorgasbord of experiences encountered there.  Blogging.  Something I had never done before.  An amazing opportunity.  Then, a month later.  The first week of February.  With prompting from my paternal grandmother's spirit, I committed to posting five days a week on my own blog.  Assuming at the time that the each entry might take thirty minutes or so.  Soon realizing that it took a couple of hours a day. Before long, the first week of March had arrived.  During which an accident occurred that would take their lives.  And change mine forever.  More than six months have passed since that first entry entitled "It's Just a Life".  Now, writing closer to three hours a day.  Spending many more playing with the possible concepts and themes.  Gaining clarity and awareness in the middle of the night.  Rising every morning, inspired to write.  Engrossed in the process.  Recognizing how much it nourishes me.  Curious to see where it leads.  This, the monumental gain from that tragic loss.

The Dreams Begin

So, the dreams finally begin.  I had not dreamed of either of them since they died.  Then, a couple of nights ago, the first one.  About Michael, about me.  In it, the subject of his death came up and I was very angry at a stranger's passing comment indicating how little value she placed on my son's life.  I became upset to the point of yelling.  I left the scene shaken, formulating the blog I would write about this incident entitled, "I Lost It!".  When I awoke, I was reminded of so much.  That as a mother, I will still fiercely protect my son, even after he has passed.  That my anger can still flare up in a moment's notice.  And that clearly, blogging has become an integral part of my life.

The following night, it was Kelly's turn.  She was with one of her best friends and her twin brother.  Through the dream story, she expressed matter-of-factly that in the years following her mother's death, she was unable to depend on others "to do" for her in the way her mother did.  Despite the efforts of many caring people in her life, ultimately no one could fill those shoes.  When I awoke from this dream, I was left with such deep sadness.  However, upon reflection, I recognized a powerful testament to her mother's love.

Both dreams revolving around motherly love and death.  I was curious to see when the dreams would begin.  Grateful that they have.