Sweet Dreams

     
     Dreams are precious gifts. The messages contained therein can prompt me to take action, provide more information about a situation regarding myself or others, and offer comfort and support.  Occasionally, I am asked if I still have dreams about Michael, and although I would love to have more than the two or three per year that I do, I am grateful for the ones I do have. A few nights ago, it was a short and sweet one, but the dream before that was quite long and involved. In both cases, they were very realistic and easy to understand.
     The lengthier dream of a few months ago involved my husband and I returning to our car after an invigorating walk around Stanley Park. After both getting in, he slowly drove in the car reverse, against the one way traffic pattern of the road. We encountered many vehicles but no one honked - they all accommodated us by moving out of the way. In the next scene, it is just my three-year-old son and me near an outdoor shower at the playground. He is only wearing shorts, ones that an acquaintance had actually made, and on his sweet face is the sweaty glow from running around. I soon realize that in all his excitement he has accidentally pooped his pants, and that he is feeling both embarrassed and upset. I calmly try to figure out the best way to handle the situation but the overwhelming thought is that I am thoroughly unprepared, and how disappointed I am with myself about that. (When my children were young, I was never without extra clothes, bags, snacks, you name it - however, in the dream I had absolutely nothing with me). After some consideration, I decided to take off his pants and have him stand under the shower. What a mess. There was poop everywhere - on him, on me. I looked around and finally found a stray plastic bag for his soiled shorts and was now literally carrying a bag of shit. As I stood there, I could feel how upset he was. He felt responsible for causing this mess. As a mom, I knew that shit happened, accidents happened. I just wanted to pick up my naked son and carry him back to the car but before I could do that, the dream was over and I awoke with the clear understanding of his sympathy. Through this dream, Michael was expressing compassion for having left me holding this bag of shit, even though we both know it was unavoidable.
     The shorter dream I had on Friday night was set in a dimly lit restaurant where our family was gathered for brunch to commemorate the fourth anniversary of Michael's death. I was seated alone at one end of the table, lost in my thoughts. Suddenly, I looked up and there was Michael, aged twenty-five, walking towards me, handsome as ever in his grey suit, green shirt and tie. He sat down to my right, handed me a Caesar cocktail, and simply said, "Here Mom."  (The only time I might order this drink for myself is if one of my kids orders one, but even then, rarely). And then, he was gone. I instantly understood that this was his way of showing support and I sure was glad to feel his presence. 

     Sweet dreams .... until next time. 
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Immensely Honoured

Upon checking my email yesterday morning, I was surprised to receive a save-the-date announcement for an upcoming wedding celebration. After reading it, I was overwhelmed with gratitude, to the point of tears. The message was from one of Kelly's closest friends. I knew that she and her financé were getting married this year, but had no inkling that my husband and I would be included in their celebration. A few months ago, I was equally surprised when we received a similar announcement from one of Michael's best friends, letting us know we would be invited to his wedding, being held later this year. I am immensely honoured that these young people have chosen to include us on their guest lists. To have the opportunity to join in the celebration, and bear witness to their formal declarations of love and optimism for the future, is such a privilege. I am sure Kelly and Mike are also looking forward to attending, and are already dreaming up plans on how to make their loving presence known at the weddings of these dear friends.

www.diaryofanintuitive.com

Precious Painted Rocks

A close friend of Kelly's calling to share a beautiful love story. Regarding an incident occurring at her recent outdoor wedding.  Held on the property of a lakeside summer camp for teen girls.  This bride-to-be having to adjust to the fact that Kelly would not be there as her maid of honour.  Something they had previously agreed upon.  Instead, incorporating little touches throughout the day to represent her friend as best she could.  Including the best man carrying a single rose during the ceremony.  Later, while mingling with her guests, being asked about the significance of the rose by someone unaware of the history. The bride briefly explaining the situation.  Moments later, her young niece, the flower girl, joining the group.  Wanting to show her aunt the treasure she had just found.  Discovering a hand painted rock lying on a pile of dirt, away from the crowds.  Golden in colour, with spots of blue, green and yellow paint scattered around the circumference.  The name Kelly spelled out in bold, black letters on the top!  What a gift.  An unmistakable sign.  Reassuring the bride of Kelly's presence on this very significant day.  Following our conversation, me recalling another special painted rock in existence personalized with Kelly's name.  From my oldest daughter's wedding, less than two years ago.  Stephanie and her friends decorating stones with glitter paint.  One for each guest, with both first and last name.  Using them as place settings at the dinner.  Kelly, like most of us, taking hers home as a keepsake. Precious painted rocks.  Symbolizing love, friendship, and  family connection. 

Birthday Presence

Dear Kelly,
As your father and brothers celebrate yours and your twin's birthday this weekend, I call upon you to draw in close.  That they may feel your presence and know you are there with them.  To remind them that you will always be part of the family.  As for me, I am so glad you were born and in my life.  Such strength, compassion, love, and optimism.  Thank you for being you.   
All my love,
Vera