Recovering Equilibrium

Two steps forward, one step back.  After many days of feeling predominantly optimistic and upbeat, the spirit falters.  Yesterday afternoon.  Several situations converging in a short space of time. Looking through old photos in preparation for a commemorative event later this week.  Listening to unsolicited excuses from a relative about how long it has been since getting together.  Planning Christmas Eve dinner.  Exploring alternate plans for Christmas morning.  All contributing to wearing down emotional reserves.  Tonight a candlelight ceremony at The Compassionate Friends.  The support group for parents who have lost a child.  Following through on a suggestion Michael made last month, I will attend.  This activity likely to provide emotional support.  Assist with recalibration.  Recovering equilibrium. 

Circle Gatherings

Meeting up in a church lounge.  The Compassionate Friends.  Each person there sharing a common experience.  Mourning the death of a child.  A close friend pointing out some time ago that I now belong to this "special club".  Reading in the group's literature that "there is no charge to attend, we have already paid our dues".  Appreciating the sentiment behind those words.  After the meeting, imagining the possibly of a circle gathering elsewhere sharing the pain of desperately wanting to have children but unable to.  Both grievous places to sit.  Of the two, preferring the one I am sitting in.